I was on the phone this afternoon with a potential artist roster addition, talking about where things are, where I want them to be with the business. I can't remember the context exactly now, nor my exact words but I about a nano second after I said it, I heard it. I heard the words that came out of my mouth.
Over the last 3-7 months folks have congratulated me on my new business endeavors, made comparisons (and contrasts) between me and other colleagues, and many have mentored me and helped me work through a lot of business issues and insecurities. So many have had to remind me not to compare myself to others. And then followed it up with, "Is that what you want? What is that you want?" I didn't know.
But maybe I did. Maybe all that "comparison" was just my inner self really truly wanting and aspiring to that. Yes, there is no way to be where others are right now - that is/was certainly a lesson to learn. Everyone moves at their own pace and sets their own goals...moreover, my mentors have 15+ years on me. I physically cannot be there. But what about the rest? Have I really just been squashing what I want because I was looking at it through the wrong lens? Have I been afraid to admit or acknowledge it? Is it the sort of thing that everyone else sees (and you know deep down) but can't face yet?
Maybe.
But today it just came out. Like some gate opened and out poured the water of hope and aspiration. Whatever I was holding back, afraid to admit either because I was afraid of wanting too much or afraid my dream would look too similar, whatever had me pondering for so long and/or second guessing myself was overrun today by my subconscious.
I want an office. A real office. I don't want to work out of my house anymore. I want space. And frankly, to me, it feels more legit. Sorry, my home address has never boded well for a business address. "2nd floor" or "Suite 3" is more my style, coupled with some charm in the decor. It's been two years. I'm over it.
I want a staff. Maybe not a staff of 5 or 7 or 10. But about 3-4 people. Someone else in sales, someone to handle contracts and servicing, someone to handle marketing and social media with the presenter, and someone to handle AIE and crafting curriculum guides.
I want a roster of about 15 artists. I was cautious at first. I thought 5 sounded manageable because I wasn't really living it. Now I'm living it and it's not so bad. Moreover, having the right marketing mix can work in one's favor. The key is to grow organically and in due time.
I want a salary. I want a salary because I'm an independent soul at heart. I can go back to not feeling guilty over buying hand crafted jewelry...I can put my kid in private school...I can return to Greece in two years. Yes, I love to travel. A lot. Day trips, weekend trips, conferences, vacations, whatever. I'm a creature of change. I have no doubt I was a nomad in a previous life. I don't feel guilty about it...in fact, I lose a bit of myself when I can't travel and I'm a miserable person because of it. People don't get it but screw it, it's who I am.
I'm my own person, that is for sure. Maybe I look like a few of my mentors all rolled into one. Maybe I do look strangely similar to the places I've been, the people I've worked for. We are what we live. I don't care anymore. On the surface the ambition might look the same, and maybe deep down, it is similar, but we are all our own selves and we bring that sense of self to what we do. That's what differentiates us.
So yes, that is what I want. An office, a staff, a slightly bigger, more evolved roster, a salary and the ability to travel. To Greece. I did more than say it in conversation. I wrote it down. And now it's mine.
Showing posts with label Career | Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Career | Work. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
You'll be fine
Just found myself saying to my cousin the very words I heard the other day..."You know more about yourself at 24/25 than I did...you will be fine...try not to be so hard on yourself." Because I knew how I was then. I saw myself in her, in that moment. Young and overwhelmed.
So for all the "you're young" comments I hear, they must have heard them too...for all the stress I put on myself and unloaded, they were there too. More than there...they see themselves in me.
I've taken some of those comments as condescending, a little mockery, like they don't take me seriously, like I'm always a baby despite all my efforts to look otherwise. But maybe that's not really it...
And maybe the only words to say are those because really, I wouldn't have been able to handle, to live, anything more than that at 24/25. Or now at 34. Even now, I think of what I might have told myself then and if it could have mattered. All I come up with is exactly what was said to me. I would not have believed or listened to anything else because I had to figure stuff out on my own.
It's an amazing moment realizing someone sees him/herself in you.
"You will be fine."
So for all the "you're young" comments I hear, they must have heard them too...for all the stress I put on myself and unloaded, they were there too. More than there...they see themselves in me.
I've taken some of those comments as condescending, a little mockery, like they don't take me seriously, like I'm always a baby despite all my efforts to look otherwise. But maybe that's not really it...
And maybe the only words to say are those because really, I wouldn't have been able to handle, to live, anything more than that at 24/25. Or now at 34. Even now, I think of what I might have told myself then and if it could have mattered. All I come up with is exactly what was said to me. I would not have believed or listened to anything else because I had to figure stuff out on my own.
It's an amazing moment realizing someone sees him/herself in you.
"You will be fine."
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sometimes I get kicked right back to a place - an emotional place - that I thought I'd squashed and moved passed. Sometimes it's that same person who does it. Sometimes the 180 I do leaves my head spinning.
Today is the first day of Lent and my promise to myself is to do my best to get out of my own head and past old demons and insecurities that have reared their ugly heads in recent weeks due to the business' struggles and my innate desires to prove myself - to myself and others.
Maybe in 40 days I won't feel so unsupported...so hard on myself...so embarrassed...so young. Not letting certain things affect me takes major effort especially when I work so hard to change past images and perceptions and I want so badly to be seen as an ace. I don't know how I'm getting to that mental place.
Today is the first day of Lent and my promise to myself is to do my best to get out of my own head and past old demons and insecurities that have reared their ugly heads in recent weeks due to the business' struggles and my innate desires to prove myself - to myself and others.
Maybe in 40 days I won't feel so unsupported...so hard on myself...so embarrassed...so young. Not letting certain things affect me takes major effort especially when I work so hard to change past images and perceptions and I want so badly to be seen as an ace. I don't know how I'm getting to that mental place.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Inspirational Characters
I wanted to highlight a few inspirational women characters that have inspired me over the years, primarily from a creative and leadership standpoint. A shout out to ModernKiddo - a truly awesome blog that highlights kids' vintage clothing, toys, perspective and more. My list is in no particular order.
Stevie Nicks - She's real of course but her presence anywhere was that of an exquisite character. Since I was small and I saw her grace the vinyl album covers of her solo albums, I was fascinated with her. She had a presence...something about her commanded your attention. I would later find inspiration in her music, lyrics, and image in my late teens/early 20s. To this day, she is still a huge creative and entrepreneurial inspiration for me.
Charlie's Angels - I first fell in love with this show in high school, watching the reruns on TNT. The ladies could do anything guys could do - and with grace, attitude, and sexiness. The perfect blend. My favorite combo was Sabrina, Chris, and Kelly.
Wynona - A simply fascinating actress in the late 80s and early-mid 90s. It's like her collection of films were especially curated for her. Always a little but weird but still engaging. As Lalaina Pierce, she captured my generation's spunk, drive and confusion post college so well.
Scarlett - I first watched GWTW at 12/13 years old. I was hooked. Scarlett's determination, perseverance, and fierceness resonated with me for years. Much later - like, in my late 20s, early 30s - I would watch and realize how exquisitely written her character was. I could still relate to the aforementioned traits but equally important is her silliness, moments of immaturity, and conflicting feelings. It's easy to see - and love/respect - what is on the surface but how many of us have been ready to smack her at times for being so foolish too? Who can't relate to that dichotomy?
Maria - I was a preschooler when Maria entered my life. I honestly cannot distinguish between Maria and Julie Andrews because in my eyes, they are both strong women/characters. Another well written character who spews both confidence and vulnerability. My most favorite moments are when she defies Captain VonTrapp - to his face - but always speaks the truth.
Kristi, Claudia and Dawn -Claudia was my favorite Babysitter's Club character. Is it any
surprise? She was the artist and fashionista. While I loved Kristy's
leadership and Dawn's individualism and independence, I thought it was
brilliant that the author had such a defined artistic character.
Nancy Drew is to this day just awesome. A bad ass girl detective. She
had her best pals Bess and George as her side kicks and they all brought
some level of humor and wit to whatever mystery was needing solving.
Nancy and her gals were always up for a challenge and to this day, I
love that about them.
Monday, August 15, 2011
I Get It
Years ago when I worked at the D-town agency I would give my boss a ton of grief this time of year: conference season. He was an overwound toy most days and this time of year just meant his batteries were on overload and burning out a few times a day. The stress level was high to say the least. I was constantly cracking jokes or insisting he go get a cup of coffee and take a walk.
I'm not a terribly stressful person and when I am in that place I can typically manage it well. But now that Piccadilly is going full force into the conference season this fall, I get it. I now know how he felt and every single thing that goes though one's head - the panic, the 40 million things to do, and why won't people just leave me well enough alone to do it?!
I was such a jerk.
I'm not a terribly stressful person and when I am in that place I can typically manage it well. But now that Piccadilly is going full force into the conference season this fall, I get it. I now know how he felt and every single thing that goes though one's head - the panic, the 40 million things to do, and why won't people just leave me well enough alone to do it?!
I was such a jerk.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tampa for IPAY
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
My Brand Vision
I've had a ton of calls and emails...many I've initiated, some from my connections. Everyone wants to talk. Initially, this excited me. In a matter of six weeks though I'm a little burnt out from talking...more burnt out from the realization that I have my own vision, my own brand (whether I knew it or not) and bottom line - there aren't that many people, places, or things (thus far) that are truly in line with who I am and what I want this company to be.
I'm doing an exercise right now that's helping me clarify via messaging what my values are, what my mission is, how that translates into my brand vision and ultimately, the markets I'll serve and how I'll go about doing so. It's the back end of my marketing plan. It's a PAIN IN THE ASS. But I love it.
As annoyed as I am, I'm also happy that I'm getting clarity. You realize what you want by knowing what you don't want. I have to turn down a lot of offers (or potential offers) - some I've even thought long and hard on - for the sake of maintaining who I am and not diluting my brand and wasting time and resources.
I have come back to the following values: Experience, Sustainability, Social Change & Community. I want to work with people and organizations that are just as passionate about these values as I am. I'm not sure if there's a crazy amount of money to be made here...most small or independently owned businesses tend to do a ton themselves because they can't afford consulting services (I'm also thinking back to my days at American Pie). I need to get past the concept that that small business = the indie craft shop. They are only one part of the pie. There are still other meaningful industries out there doing great work.
I'm doing an exercise right now that's helping me clarify via messaging what my values are, what my mission is, how that translates into my brand vision and ultimately, the markets I'll serve and how I'll go about doing so. It's the back end of my marketing plan. It's a PAIN IN THE ASS. But I love it.
As annoyed as I am, I'm also happy that I'm getting clarity. You realize what you want by knowing what you don't want. I have to turn down a lot of offers (or potential offers) - some I've even thought long and hard on - for the sake of maintaining who I am and not diluting my brand and wasting time and resources.
I have come back to the following values: Experience, Sustainability, Social Change & Community. I want to work with people and organizations that are just as passionate about these values as I am. I'm not sure if there's a crazy amount of money to be made here...most small or independently owned businesses tend to do a ton themselves because they can't afford consulting services (I'm also thinking back to my days at American Pie). I need to get past the concept that that small business = the indie craft shop. They are only one part of the pie. There are still other meaningful industries out there doing great work.
Friday, January 29, 2010
The First Day
Yesterday was my last day at PennPAT, the organization where I had worked for over two years. Due to budget cuts and a restructuring of the program, many marketing initiatives have been suspended and there wasn't a need for a Program Associate. So after two terrific years of being a face of the organization, meeting inspiring artists and programming folks, I packed my duds and headed home.
I've been through several lay offs in my ten year career and I'm grateful for the time I was given at PennPAT - time to let the constituency know, time to plan, time to think, time to let it digest. Usually the "first day" of the rest of my life - the day after it takes effect - is filled with shock. But here I am, at home, cleaning my house, confident that good projects will soon be knocking.
I'm reminded of a poem my high school senior lit class read on our last day of class - I cannot recall the name of it but it started with, "This is the first day of the rest of your life..."
I'm an adaptable person and I'm excited for the good change on the horizon.
I've been through several lay offs in my ten year career and I'm grateful for the time I was given at PennPAT - time to let the constituency know, time to plan, time to think, time to let it digest. Usually the "first day" of the rest of my life - the day after it takes effect - is filled with shock. But here I am, at home, cleaning my house, confident that good projects will soon be knocking.
I'm reminded of a poem my high school senior lit class read on our last day of class - I cannot recall the name of it but it started with, "This is the first day of the rest of your life..."
I'm an adaptable person and I'm excited for the good change on the horizon.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
New Logo
So I hired a gal to design me a logo for Piccadilly. I am beyond excited for this. It feels very official. Once I have the logo, I can drop it onto a business card, create some stationary, and even my favorite - a stamp!
I'm getting more clear about the direction of the company as well as the feel of the brand. It's overwhelming to see my ideas morph - a lot. When I started, it was all about marketing consulting for artists and arts organizations. Then it sort of expanded to include small independent businesses. Then about 7 months ago a great circus company asked me to be their agent. Suddenly, I was knocked off my chair and all sorts of emotions flooded through me. Agent? Manager? What?
See the thing is - I was an artists' rep for a little bit. It was a wonderful experience. The best place I ever worked. EVER. I still miss being there. It's just - I was young. I had no personal boundaries. I was gullible. I did stupid things. Said stupid things. I was 110% capable of being much more than I was there. It wasn't that I couldn't handle the work. I just wasn't mature enough to handle some other things. It took me a long time to really understand that about myself. Old feelings die hard though and I was agonizing over whether I'd make a good manager and agent for this circus company.
After weeks of pushing it out of my head I finally realized it wasn't leaving...moreover, I didn't really want it to leave. Furthermore, I had to get over myself. CONFIDENCE! I was beyond passionate about this company. I watched their showcase and thought - how do they not have representation? The AD asking me was a huge compliment. I needed to figure out how to move forward with this whole notion.
Enter Operation Business Plan. How many business plans have I created now? Something like 3. I'm a pro at market research and putting stuff on paper. Start Up Nation kicked my butt into gear mid summer and I created my Life Plan. Since then I've been piece mealing the plan together - market research when I can, interviews with folks when I can, swiping ideas from other industry pros and workshops, analyzing competitors. It all resides in Google Docs. It's coming along.
The biggest decision was to focus. Focus on family programming initially. However, family programming has a bad rep and the truth is, most family programming IS terrible. But there are places out there like the New Vic Theater that do amazing programming. It redefines children and family programming.
THAT is the envelope I want to push. It goes against the whole need for curriculum tie-in (or at the very least, I'd work with just 1-2 artists with a curriculum and more along the lines of a rep theater company). What I envision is a roster of 4-5 artists in cirque, contemporary dance, contemporary classical compositions, rep or ensemble theater company, storytelling, and interesting puppetry.
So this is where I am. And trying to visualize a logo that matches all that, the rest of my brand vision and values, and my personality is tough. But I'm hoping, one step at a time. Whatever it ends up being, it's going to be fun. Stay tuned.
I'm getting more clear about the direction of the company as well as the feel of the brand. It's overwhelming to see my ideas morph - a lot. When I started, it was all about marketing consulting for artists and arts organizations. Then it sort of expanded to include small independent businesses. Then about 7 months ago a great circus company asked me to be their agent. Suddenly, I was knocked off my chair and all sorts of emotions flooded through me. Agent? Manager? What?
See the thing is - I was an artists' rep for a little bit. It was a wonderful experience. The best place I ever worked. EVER. I still miss being there. It's just - I was young. I had no personal boundaries. I was gullible. I did stupid things. Said stupid things. I was 110% capable of being much more than I was there. It wasn't that I couldn't handle the work. I just wasn't mature enough to handle some other things. It took me a long time to really understand that about myself. Old feelings die hard though and I was agonizing over whether I'd make a good manager and agent for this circus company.
After weeks of pushing it out of my head I finally realized it wasn't leaving...moreover, I didn't really want it to leave. Furthermore, I had to get over myself. CONFIDENCE! I was beyond passionate about this company. I watched their showcase and thought - how do they not have representation? The AD asking me was a huge compliment. I needed to figure out how to move forward with this whole notion.
Enter Operation Business Plan. How many business plans have I created now? Something like 3. I'm a pro at market research and putting stuff on paper. Start Up Nation kicked my butt into gear mid summer and I created my Life Plan. Since then I've been piece mealing the plan together - market research when I can, interviews with folks when I can, swiping ideas from other industry pros and workshops, analyzing competitors. It all resides in Google Docs. It's coming along.
The biggest decision was to focus. Focus on family programming initially. However, family programming has a bad rep and the truth is, most family programming IS terrible. But there are places out there like the New Vic Theater that do amazing programming. It redefines children and family programming.
THAT is the envelope I want to push. It goes against the whole need for curriculum tie-in (or at the very least, I'd work with just 1-2 artists with a curriculum and more along the lines of a rep theater company). What I envision is a roster of 4-5 artists in cirque, contemporary dance, contemporary classical compositions, rep or ensemble theater company, storytelling, and interesting puppetry.
So this is where I am. And trying to visualize a logo that matches all that, the rest of my brand vision and values, and my personality is tough. But I'm hoping, one step at a time. Whatever it ends up being, it's going to be fun. Stay tuned.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Tax Evasion
10 a.m. this morning and Vince flips to the local section of the Inquirer and what screams out at him but my previous employer (among others listed) as one of the top Philadelphia corporations evading city taxes.
Top story on the front page of Section B, peeps.
Top story on the front page of Section B, peeps.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Today
It was 2 years ago today. It was Friday August 5, my last day at BAM. You know what made me realize it? I was sorting through files and out fell my good-bye card. I had saved it. I stared at it a moment. It falls into a long line of recent Baylin memories. Like yesterday driving from Lambertville to Princeton on some tiny back road through farm town NJ. We passed an intersection and I did a double take. Wait just a moment...in the dark, with a lot of January snow already blanketing the ground, and in the middle of a blizzard in Marc's Infinity, this is definitely that creepy road we took to get to New Brunswick to see the Princely Players!?! Funny because we just remembered that bizarre evening 2 months ago and how surreal that drive was - like something out of a Robert Frost poem. But I digressed. Despite my memories and days of wondering - what if? - I put the thoughts aside, throw out the card (because after 2 years, it's time, right?) and move forward.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Intersections
I have specific places that when I am physically there, I cry. I have no idea what comes over me, but it's almost as if there is a presence from beyond that just seizes me and brings with it a flood of emotions.
My grandfather's grave is one such place. I could go to visit, leave some flowers and be fine. But the presence shows up and brings with it a few memories. Suddenly I'm vulnerable and recalling inspiring words and Saturday morning visits. I remember 2001 and all the loss I endured. Tears fall as the sun beams down on my face.
While the SJU campus brings a sense of peace to my heart and spirit, there are places there where memories and emotion intersect and a tear falls as I remember days when I was continuously pushed outside my comfort zones. 4 years is a long time to be somewhere...
Oddly, there is this one intersection - 309 and Lower State Rd. - that by forces unknown to me, unleashes a tidal wave of nostalgia and emotion. It's not just that I am leaving Doylestown (because this only happens on my way home), but that I'm leaving anywhere due north of that intersection. But maybe that's just it - it's about leaving...or rather when I was leaving. I used to scurry away from the office back then and take refuge in the little mosaic park (or some back corner of a restaurant) and scribble in my journal, confused and upset about my life, and most days cry for 10 minutes before wiping my eyes, buying my latte with a forced smile and shuffling back to my tiny hole in the wall. It was about work, about stress, about death. Actually, everything was dying or leaving. Me included. So by the time the day caught up with me - 15-20 min. after I left the office at 5:30 - it would spill out in the form of tears right as I sat waiting for my left arrow. I was never sure how I made it down 309 to the Turnpike without an accident. Usually I pulled myself together by the time I whizzed through EZ Pass, but this one day in July after a party, when I knew I was giving my notice the next day, I started crying there and didn't stop until I got home. 45 min. later.
There are other places...other places where I'd been and left, perhaps before I was ready...places where people had been and left before I was ready to let them go. I find myself in these places, where stuff intersects, but really they direct me to someplace in my mind where someone or something or someplace had a profound effect on me.
My grandfather's grave is one such place. I could go to visit, leave some flowers and be fine. But the presence shows up and brings with it a few memories. Suddenly I'm vulnerable and recalling inspiring words and Saturday morning visits. I remember 2001 and all the loss I endured. Tears fall as the sun beams down on my face.
While the SJU campus brings a sense of peace to my heart and spirit, there are places there where memories and emotion intersect and a tear falls as I remember days when I was continuously pushed outside my comfort zones. 4 years is a long time to be somewhere...
Oddly, there is this one intersection - 309 and Lower State Rd. - that by forces unknown to me, unleashes a tidal wave of nostalgia and emotion. It's not just that I am leaving Doylestown (because this only happens on my way home), but that I'm leaving anywhere due north of that intersection. But maybe that's just it - it's about leaving...or rather when I was leaving. I used to scurry away from the office back then and take refuge in the little mosaic park (or some back corner of a restaurant) and scribble in my journal, confused and upset about my life, and most days cry for 10 minutes before wiping my eyes, buying my latte with a forced smile and shuffling back to my tiny hole in the wall. It was about work, about stress, about death. Actually, everything was dying or leaving. Me included. So by the time the day caught up with me - 15-20 min. after I left the office at 5:30 - it would spill out in the form of tears right as I sat waiting for my left arrow. I was never sure how I made it down 309 to the Turnpike without an accident. Usually I pulled myself together by the time I whizzed through EZ Pass, but this one day in July after a party, when I knew I was giving my notice the next day, I started crying there and didn't stop until I got home. 45 min. later.
There are other places...other places where I'd been and left, perhaps before I was ready...places where people had been and left before I was ready to let them go. I find myself in these places, where stuff intersects, but really they direct me to someplace in my mind where someone or something or someplace had a profound effect on me.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Finally! "You Can Pay Her"
I posted this back in July, but I removed it to protect the not so innocent. It tells you how long things were like this. And while this is a classic story, as classic as buttercream icing, I will recount the gimmies and candles on the cake that made it super clear I made the right move getting out of the Pie when I did.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
"You Can Pay Her"
This is absolutely ridiculous.
Between some weddings and some other things going on lately, I've had to ask for some personal time. We're talking maybe a total of 8 hours/1 day. And I'm salaried, so technically, there really shouldn't be any questions about making up the time. During the fall and early winter I was putting in 45 hour weeks, working from home at night and on my days off...it's not like I didn't earn the time or won't put it in when it's necessary.
But instead, I hear a song and dance about taking any time off - coming in late or needing to leave early. I'm encouraged to take an entire random Tuesday off (instead of 2 hours), make that my weekly "off" day...What? So then I can have a random Tuesday and a Sunday off?! But she goes on...I am "supposed to be there anyway" and it doesn't make sense for her to bring in an hourly associate that will cost a couple extra bucks for 2-3 hours. You can't be serious? I'M SALARIED!? I have personal time?!
So that's just the few hours of personal time...it gets better. I need off next Saturday and being flexible, I offer to make this day up on Sunday or even Monday. Clearly this is too complex for her. She'd rather me squander a vacation day for a wedding then let me make up the day on a day that actually makes sense. Why, you ask? Because she has some unwaivering loyalty to the hourly peeps who only work on Sunday or Monday. I think my eyebrow rose at this point of the conversation.
Now, there's already some switching going on, to cover me being out next Saturday, and an hourly person will be there...racking up some payroll (the ones mentioned above that she would prefer not to bring in when I need 2 hours). Now wouldn't it make sense then to balance that with me working the next day? Instead of shelling out more hourly wages for a part timer? Complete contradictions.
She can't arrange this in her head so it makes sense financially and her priorities are skewed to say the least. But the final nail in the coffin of irritation and disbelief was her voicing that she doesn't want to be the one responsible for our scheduling requests going forward...that if I need an hour or two here or there, I should find the coverage. My concern. AND - get this - I should pay whomever covers me.
Yes. Because clearly no one understands what it means to be a salaried employee.
Note: December 29, 5 months later - I still don't think anyone at this place knows what salary means.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
"You Can Pay Her"
This is absolutely ridiculous.
Between some weddings and some other things going on lately, I've had to ask for some personal time. We're talking maybe a total of 8 hours/1 day. And I'm salaried, so technically, there really shouldn't be any questions about making up the time. During the fall and early winter I was putting in 45 hour weeks, working from home at night and on my days off...it's not like I didn't earn the time or won't put it in when it's necessary.
But instead, I hear a song and dance about taking any time off - coming in late or needing to leave early. I'm encouraged to take an entire random Tuesday off (instead of 2 hours), make that my weekly "off" day...What? So then I can have a random Tuesday and a Sunday off?! But she goes on...I am "supposed to be there anyway" and it doesn't make sense for her to bring in an hourly associate that will cost a couple extra bucks for 2-3 hours. You can't be serious? I'M SALARIED!? I have personal time?!
So that's just the few hours of personal time...it gets better. I need off next Saturday and being flexible, I offer to make this day up on Sunday or even Monday. Clearly this is too complex for her. She'd rather me squander a vacation day for a wedding then let me make up the day on a day that actually makes sense. Why, you ask? Because she has some unwaivering loyalty to the hourly peeps who only work on Sunday or Monday. I think my eyebrow rose at this point of the conversation.
Now, there's already some switching going on, to cover me being out next Saturday, and an hourly person will be there...racking up some payroll (the ones mentioned above that she would prefer not to bring in when I need 2 hours). Now wouldn't it make sense then to balance that with me working the next day? Instead of shelling out more hourly wages for a part timer? Complete contradictions.
She can't arrange this in her head so it makes sense financially and her priorities are skewed to say the least. But the final nail in the coffin of irritation and disbelief was her voicing that she doesn't want to be the one responsible for our scheduling requests going forward...that if I need an hour or two here or there, I should find the coverage. My concern. AND - get this - I should pay whomever covers me.
Yes. Because clearly no one understands what it means to be a salaried employee.
Note: December 29, 5 months later - I still don't think anyone at this place knows what salary means.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Leftover Stories
Hmmm. I found out today who ratted me out to Marc last year when I was looking for new employment. Of course, a year later, it doesn't really matter anymore. But I'm still irked by it. It's one of those things where at this point, who knows how it really came out, what the context was, etc. I never like feeling as though one person has that much control over people, situations, the industry. If I email other industry professionals now, how do I know they won't pull a similar move? I don't even work for him anymore...technically, it shouldn't matter, to me or anyone else.
I can't let it matter.
There's always a leftover story when you part ways.
I can't let it matter.
There's always a leftover story when you part ways.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
SLAMMED
I'm getting slammed for not updating...Errr. But the title is metaphoric for it's how I've been feeling for the last several weeks. I'm getting slammed with wedding plans. My dress came in and I tried it on and picked out a head piece and all this jewelry last weekend. But then I left my parents house with a mile long list of "To Dos" including scheduling PreCana, determining the priest, talking to the hotel about a block booking rate, and many other items.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Vince and I squabble probably once a week over wedding plans - many of which were made months ago and either he forgot or he wasn't involved in because of everything going on with his mom. Either way, I'm yelled at over something he doesn't like or isn't comfortable with. Case in point - I'd like my friend Jill to sing at the wedding ceremony. Vince stood up and with a very red face said there was no way there would be a Mass and he never agreed to that and blah blah blah. He nearly stormed the 'rents house to tell them he wasn't putting up with that. We're only getting married in the church. I mean, I guess if you know nothing about it, you'd assume no Mass? I don't know.
It's a battle not worth fighting. Especially since I really wanted the ceremony there. Singers and all.
So I'm slammed on that front. I'm also getting slammed at work. I'm so talented, and know so much about marketing products and creating plans and all these great things...and there have been some small successes, but I'm not receiving any ackowledgement for them. In fact, it's the opposite. I'm getting scolded over things at least once a day and none of it makes sense. I was hired to be the marketing manager. In my JD it lays out that I am to create a marketing plan, a SWOT anyalsis, work on maintaining positive customer retention. Weeks ago, I approached my boss about this - how it hadn't been started, I needed to do it, needed her input. Nothing. So instead for the last 4 weeks I've been bogged down with advertising. Two weeks before that I was working with customers to nail down $20,000 in sales for October. The result? I'm told how advertising isn't marketing (um, it's a component), how my boss isn't pleased with the ads (but she has to sign off on them, so she sees them), how my most recent poster for the window was bad (again, something she saw before it went to the printer) and how I hadn't given enough attention to this big event we're having this weekend (Um, I asked my boss on 3 occasions what was going on with the show - how it was managed in the past, what was done, what merchadise was ordered, where the images were...Nothing. And again, the advertising and the sales that have been taking up my time).
But mind you, there are appointments made, people coming, listings and ads on gophila.com and other places and people have said they've seen the ads...
I'm so frustrated. I communicate with her and nothing comes back. I ask for info and nothing. I chase her down and that eats my time and I do the best I can for only being there 3 months and I'm getting put downs left and right. All from a person who knows she doesn't know how to do my job, but sure spends a lot of time micromanaging me and telling me I'm not marketing. So really, my marketing position is being redefined as New Business Developement.
Marc was a pain in my butt, but I could at least scream at him. And Marc wouldn't communicate the whys, but he sure would tell you what he thought. And in a timely manner. That is unless he was emotionally involved and it was personal. Like it usually was with me.
So yes, I'm slammed on every front. Not sure what will work out, if anything will work out, where I am supposed to be.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Vince and I squabble probably once a week over wedding plans - many of which were made months ago and either he forgot or he wasn't involved in because of everything going on with his mom. Either way, I'm yelled at over something he doesn't like or isn't comfortable with. Case in point - I'd like my friend Jill to sing at the wedding ceremony. Vince stood up and with a very red face said there was no way there would be a Mass and he never agreed to that and blah blah blah. He nearly stormed the 'rents house to tell them he wasn't putting up with that. We're only getting married in the church. I mean, I guess if you know nothing about it, you'd assume no Mass? I don't know.
It's a battle not worth fighting. Especially since I really wanted the ceremony there. Singers and all.
So I'm slammed on that front. I'm also getting slammed at work. I'm so talented, and know so much about marketing products and creating plans and all these great things...and there have been some small successes, but I'm not receiving any ackowledgement for them. In fact, it's the opposite. I'm getting scolded over things at least once a day and none of it makes sense. I was hired to be the marketing manager. In my JD it lays out that I am to create a marketing plan, a SWOT anyalsis, work on maintaining positive customer retention. Weeks ago, I approached my boss about this - how it hadn't been started, I needed to do it, needed her input. Nothing. So instead for the last 4 weeks I've been bogged down with advertising. Two weeks before that I was working with customers to nail down $20,000 in sales for October. The result? I'm told how advertising isn't marketing (um, it's a component), how my boss isn't pleased with the ads (but she has to sign off on them, so she sees them), how my most recent poster for the window was bad (again, something she saw before it went to the printer) and how I hadn't given enough attention to this big event we're having this weekend (Um, I asked my boss on 3 occasions what was going on with the show - how it was managed in the past, what was done, what merchadise was ordered, where the images were...Nothing. And again, the advertising and the sales that have been taking up my time).
But mind you, there are appointments made, people coming, listings and ads on gophila.com and other places and people have said they've seen the ads...
I'm so frustrated. I communicate with her and nothing comes back. I ask for info and nothing. I chase her down and that eats my time and I do the best I can for only being there 3 months and I'm getting put downs left and right. All from a person who knows she doesn't know how to do my job, but sure spends a lot of time micromanaging me and telling me I'm not marketing. So really, my marketing position is being redefined as New Business Developement.
Marc was a pain in my butt, but I could at least scream at him. And Marc wouldn't communicate the whys, but he sure would tell you what he thought. And in a timely manner. That is unless he was emotionally involved and it was personal. Like it usually was with me.
So yes, I'm slammed on every front. Not sure what will work out, if anything will work out, where I am supposed to be.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
The Update
Preface: The following is for those of you who have asked for a Chrissie Update and because I still haven't fathomed how this plant managed to die on me.
Chapter 1: Death of One Job, Rebirth in Another
So I left the confines of BAM and while I sure do miss my own office and super clean and tidy area, I certainly do not miss some of the bad things. There's much more to be said on this topic - and I have said it - but for the for the sake of online searches and forwards, I will protect the not so innocent.
Oh and I do miss Siren, the Gap, Coffee and Cream and my other D-town hangouts. And Mrs. Tea.
So down on South St. things are going well. A lot of the first month nerves have lifted. I've made a few big sales and feel more confident on the floor (one good thing I can say came out of BAM - the ability to be more comfortable and confident selling). I've also made some connections with my friends at the Arden and Mum Theater Co. so we'll be working together in the near future on some collaborative marketing programs. Also soon to be hitting the streets with a super slick brochure and distributing to Welcome Kits and all the new swank condos/townhomes that are springing up like crazy around the city. I created an ad last week that I'll attach so you guys can get an idea of some of the pieces in the store, a room layout, and the design techniques of yours truly. Overall things are well and I like most of my co-workers, sans this one guy who is very "Woe is me." Whatever to him.
Chapter 2: Death of a Car, But NOT in the Ghetto of North Jersey
What in the hell? Why do I continuously have these incidents with my car? Why does my car insist on allowing the old saying Found On Road Dead to reign supreme? All those faulty electrical issues I was having earlier this summer came to head this past Saturday when I went to move my car from a 2 hr. parking spot and the mofo wouldn't start. Dead. Nothing. I came back out hours later to attempt it again and still nothing. One call to AAA and 3 hours later, the car was at the dealership and I was home. Not before Big Ed came into the city to spare me some of the embarrassment and certainly not before we held up traffic on 6th Street for 15 minutes. 6th Street, by the way, is one way.
$100 later, I have a new battery and a working car. Praise the lord it was not in Parsippany.
Chapter 3: The Aftermath of Death
How are Vince and I doing? OK. Honestly, I've avoided his family for the last month because things were so intense there for a while. I needed a break. I also told him about some issues I have with his family, even his Uncle Joe, who has continuously hit on me and even made an inappropriate comment to me at the funeral. But now things have simmered...He is doing OK. He's been spending time with his dad, going on some small road trips. He was upset last week because his mom was a HUGE Bird fan and with the NFL season starting, he was really choked up. He spent one night crying over his laptop, but typing away a lot of thoughts and memories. I'm glad he did that. It's weird that it's been a month. I sure do miss her. But the other day I was walking from my car up to South and this woman came out of her house and just started chatting with me. As we parted ways, something about the whole scenario reminded me of his mom. Like this same conversation could have been with her. The way this woman spoke, the quickness of it - just before work - it was very much like conversations I used to have with Mrs. D in the morning. In a way, it was like she was there. She so would have loved American Pie. She'd have bought a million things in the store. I'll have to get her something for the grave...
Chapter 4: The Death of Household Items & Related Housing Issues
My eBay Dirt Devil purchase from a few years back finally bit the dust to my dismay. Vince came charging in with this Panasonic vacuum he was so proud of. The thing is ancient. Yet, it did work. But I was upset...my Dirt Devil was my baby, my pride and joy and always did such a good job. Suddenly Panasonic was putting Baby in a corner. As I said to Joc - Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Finally I realized it was worthy and I had Vince take the Dirt Devil to the curb, missing wheel and busted motor in tow.
The dining room met its match last week as we finished tearing up the floor, gutted the paneling and boards. Much to my dismay, no exposed brick back there. Just some hideous drywall. Partial death to my idea of brand spanking new furniture. Vince - what a dweeb - is insisting those hideous brown couches of his from back in the day are the best made sofas around. I'm not kidding. He swears the brand and manufacturing of them is stallar and will endure all things. It's quite possible being that they've endured cig burns. However, they are mod, they sit right on the ground, and are are completely linear. There's no curve to them whatsoever. I really wanted a cool new but slightly more traditional couch. Tooth and nail we fought over this. RIDICULOUS. Finally I said - "You can reupholster the couch only. The love seat goes. And I pick the carpet color (if the hardwood doesn't pan out) and the chair we get in the room."
Death to the weeds! I busted my butt outside the last two weekends pulling dead weeds and overturning soil - Despite the lies Vince told you, Melissa! This weekend, after my half marathon, I head to Home Depot for some mums (to go in front of the daffodil bulbs I purchased) along the side and front of the house and a shrub of some sort for the front.
Chapter 5: Death of a Plant
This is probably the saddest of them all. I TRIED!!! For weeks I nurtured that plant Marc gave me. It was yellow and the the leaves were healthy...all was well. But something happened. 2 weeks ago. Did I over water it? I watered it daily or every other day. Did it get too much/too little sun? It sat by the kitchen window which gets a nice amount of sun in the afternoon. I don't know. All I know is it's DEAD. Dead dead dead. And I swore to care for this plant. This time, no plant would die. I really cared about this plant. Vince hears me wallow about this plant everyday. Is it seasonal? Maybe it'll bloom again in the spring....???
Chapter 1: Death of One Job, Rebirth in Another
So I left the confines of BAM and while I sure do miss my own office and super clean and tidy area, I certainly do not miss some of the bad things. There's much more to be said on this topic - and I have said it - but for the for the sake of online searches and forwards, I will protect the not so innocent.
Oh and I do miss Siren, the Gap, Coffee and Cream and my other D-town hangouts. And Mrs. Tea.
So down on South St. things are going well. A lot of the first month nerves have lifted. I've made a few big sales and feel more confident on the floor (one good thing I can say came out of BAM - the ability to be more comfortable and confident selling). I've also made some connections with my friends at the Arden and Mum Theater Co. so we'll be working together in the near future on some collaborative marketing programs. Also soon to be hitting the streets with a super slick brochure and distributing to Welcome Kits and all the new swank condos/townhomes that are springing up like crazy around the city. I created an ad last week that I'll attach so you guys can get an idea of some of the pieces in the store, a room layout, and the design techniques of yours truly. Overall things are well and I like most of my co-workers, sans this one guy who is very "Woe is me." Whatever to him.
Chapter 2: Death of a Car, But NOT in the Ghetto of North Jersey
What in the hell? Why do I continuously have these incidents with my car? Why does my car insist on allowing the old saying Found On Road Dead to reign supreme? All those faulty electrical issues I was having earlier this summer came to head this past Saturday when I went to move my car from a 2 hr. parking spot and the mofo wouldn't start. Dead. Nothing. I came back out hours later to attempt it again and still nothing. One call to AAA and 3 hours later, the car was at the dealership and I was home. Not before Big Ed came into the city to spare me some of the embarrassment and certainly not before we held up traffic on 6th Street for 15 minutes. 6th Street, by the way, is one way.
$100 later, I have a new battery and a working car. Praise the lord it was not in Parsippany.
Chapter 3: The Aftermath of Death
How are Vince and I doing? OK. Honestly, I've avoided his family for the last month because things were so intense there for a while. I needed a break. I also told him about some issues I have with his family, even his Uncle Joe, who has continuously hit on me and even made an inappropriate comment to me at the funeral. But now things have simmered...He is doing OK. He's been spending time with his dad, going on some small road trips. He was upset last week because his mom was a HUGE Bird fan and with the NFL season starting, he was really choked up. He spent one night crying over his laptop, but typing away a lot of thoughts and memories. I'm glad he did that. It's weird that it's been a month. I sure do miss her. But the other day I was walking from my car up to South and this woman came out of her house and just started chatting with me. As we parted ways, something about the whole scenario reminded me of his mom. Like this same conversation could have been with her. The way this woman spoke, the quickness of it - just before work - it was very much like conversations I used to have with Mrs. D in the morning. In a way, it was like she was there. She so would have loved American Pie. She'd have bought a million things in the store. I'll have to get her something for the grave...
Chapter 4: The Death of Household Items & Related Housing Issues
My eBay Dirt Devil purchase from a few years back finally bit the dust to my dismay. Vince came charging in with this Panasonic vacuum he was so proud of. The thing is ancient. Yet, it did work. But I was upset...my Dirt Devil was my baby, my pride and joy and always did such a good job. Suddenly Panasonic was putting Baby in a corner. As I said to Joc - Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Finally I realized it was worthy and I had Vince take the Dirt Devil to the curb, missing wheel and busted motor in tow.
The dining room met its match last week as we finished tearing up the floor, gutted the paneling and boards. Much to my dismay, no exposed brick back there. Just some hideous drywall. Partial death to my idea of brand spanking new furniture. Vince - what a dweeb - is insisting those hideous brown couches of his from back in the day are the best made sofas around. I'm not kidding. He swears the brand and manufacturing of them is stallar and will endure all things. It's quite possible being that they've endured cig burns. However, they are mod, they sit right on the ground, and are are completely linear. There's no curve to them whatsoever. I really wanted a cool new but slightly more traditional couch. Tooth and nail we fought over this. RIDICULOUS. Finally I said - "You can reupholster the couch only. The love seat goes. And I pick the carpet color (if the hardwood doesn't pan out) and the chair we get in the room."
Death to the weeds! I busted my butt outside the last two weekends pulling dead weeds and overturning soil - Despite the lies Vince told you, Melissa! This weekend, after my half marathon, I head to Home Depot for some mums (to go in front of the daffodil bulbs I purchased) along the side and front of the house and a shrub of some sort for the front.
Chapter 5: Death of a Plant
This is probably the saddest of them all. I TRIED!!! For weeks I nurtured that plant Marc gave me. It was yellow and the the leaves were healthy...all was well. But something happened. 2 weeks ago. Did I over water it? I watered it daily or every other day. Did it get too much/too little sun? It sat by the kitchen window which gets a nice amount of sun in the afternoon. I don't know. All I know is it's DEAD. Dead dead dead. And I swore to care for this plant. This time, no plant would die. I really cared about this plant. Vince hears me wallow about this plant everyday. Is it seasonal? Maybe it'll bloom again in the spring....???
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