This is a great article on BlogHer. About those parents who threaten their kids and then never follow through. We have all been there. Even me. But there are those that stay there...and others, like me, who have learned quickly that one must enforce the threat/consequences. I mean, hey, wasn't that how I was raised?
I used to have this sweet boy that occasionally would need a time out for throwing a toy. Consequences didn't work on an 18 mo old...nor did they work much when he was two. But a simple time out, a break from the action, sufficed. I would listen to other mom friends tell their tales of disciplining their kid and simply wasn't in a place to wrap my head around their challenges.
Now I have a three year old and I get it. Now that he's three, he has a vocabulary, emotions, attitude, and the uncanny ability to defy us. To hear but not listen...to explore and blatantly test boundaries. I feel like the times I am with him this summer all I do is holler. And I've become "that mom" who hollers at her kid in the store and parking lot...who grabs her kid and gets down to his level and sternly tells him to knock off whatever he's doing. I imagine other moms get it. It's the single 20-somethings sans kids that like me at that age, do not. I even found that the threat of not going to the pool or not using the iPad works. And if it doesn't they are yanked.
I have also witnessed some poor parenting by friends of mine. Again, not something I would have noticed when I was younger, sans kids, or even 18 months ago when Mitch was still just a young toddler. Now that I see how and when my kid acts up, I have no patience for wishy washy parents. Parents that threaten to take away dessert if a few more bites of dinner aren't eaten (Threatening food just makes no sense to me...it just doesn't carry the same weight as a toy or event), who threaten a million times and never follow through, or who can't/won't control their kid when adults are over, who let their kid stay up far too late, even the ones that control conflict. I really feel sorry for the kids. They own it and they know it and even if they are generally good kids, they have no boundaries. Sometimes it takes schooling and the disciplining of teachers and the social interaction with other kids to balance out the brat. Other times...you really do have an elementary aged brat on your hands.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Bushkill Falls
Bushkill Falls with Mitch, Vince, Chris and Emily. Haven't been here since 2003. Mitch hiked about 45 min. down to the river and over a "wobbly bridge." Well, not quite wobbly, but rickety.
Monday, July 25, 2011
First Bee Sting
There I was the other day, minding my own business at the pool, watching Mitch do "skateboard" jumps off the swim team dive platforms, when suddenly I felt a pain like I'd never known and experienced. I looked over at my right hand and protruding from the flesh of skin between my thumb and index finger was a stinger. OMG. OH MY GOD. I was more stunned than anything else; shocked that after 33.5 years, a bee stung me. At least, I guess it was a bee. I never saw what attacked me so it could have been a wasp? Vince helped remove the stinger and the pain was pretty intense. Naturally the pool didn't have a first aid kit and attempted to use old scissors (yuck) to remove the remains of the stinger. What? That was no use. A spray of an anti-itch/pain medication and I was on my way. Home that is. Where I treated it with a sterile pin and peroxide since I'm a nut about treating boo boos, as you can read here.
I didn't know what to expect but I didn't expect the dull throbbing, itching, and swelling that has ensued since Saturday evening. It's just starting to go down a bit but not before I was checked out at Minute Clinic and on some steroids for the itch/swell. I've never had a bee sting nor am I allergic to anything so I am clueless when it comes to treating this and knowing what is normal. What the hell is Benadryl? Well, now I know.
Effing bee.
I didn't know what to expect but I didn't expect the dull throbbing, itching, and swelling that has ensued since Saturday evening. It's just starting to go down a bit but not before I was checked out at Minute Clinic and on some steroids for the itch/swell. I've never had a bee sting nor am I allergic to anything so I am clueless when it comes to treating this and knowing what is normal. What the hell is Benadryl? Well, now I know.
Effing bee.
Winnie the Pooh
Mommy took Mitch to see his first movie in the theater: Winnie the Pooh. Friday, July 22, 2011. Mitch sat through the whole thing, on my lap. What he remembers? "Pooh fell in the hole!"
Sunday, July 24, 2011
A few from BlogHer
Every so often I get an email from BlogHer with a few featured blogs. These are two that in recent weeks and months really spoke to me.
Should I have corrected his friend when he used "gay" as an insult?
This is such a smart and relevant article about how one mom raised her son. Kudos to this woman. It's exactly how I hope to raise Mitch.
I'm supposed to play with these kids?
This had me laughing out loud. While I am not this mom (if anything, probably the exact opposite because I typically love playing with Mitch), I can relate to those moments when I want to just surf Facebook mindlessly...or tune out of yet another episode of Dragon Tales...or well, just not play trains today. It also had me rolling because I immediately remembered the crazy knitters club I had been a part of on and off for ~18 months. I had been "kicked out" around the holidays this year because of a frustrated PMSed mom post about lack of support and not liking M that day. I kid you not. God, what would that crazy crochet teacher think reading this?!
Should I have corrected his friend when he used "gay" as an insult?
This is such a smart and relevant article about how one mom raised her son. Kudos to this woman. It's exactly how I hope to raise Mitch.
I'm supposed to play with these kids?
This had me laughing out loud. While I am not this mom (if anything, probably the exact opposite because I typically love playing with Mitch), I can relate to those moments when I want to just surf Facebook mindlessly...or tune out of yet another episode of Dragon Tales...or well, just not play trains today. It also had me rolling because I immediately remembered the crazy knitters club I had been a part of on and off for ~18 months. I had been "kicked out" around the holidays this year because of a frustrated PMSed mom post about lack of support and not liking M that day. I kid you not. God, what would that crazy crochet teacher think reading this?!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
An Artist
Not sure what got me thinking about this the other day but I thought of Mitch growing up and what he'll think and remember. In particular, what he might think of me, his mom. What did I hope for? Of course I think both Vince and I influence his personality but perhaps me more so as I spend a good amount of time with him. I do hope he thinks of me as a strong independent person. But more than that, I hope he thinks of me as an artist...as his cool mom...a mom that played with him lots.
Mommy, I Peeped
Since the last week of April, we’ve upped the anty on Mitch’s potty training efforts. For a year it’s been start, stop, interest, waned interest, understanding, lack thereof. I was waiting for him to take the initiative (naturally), for him to show us that he was ready. I hit a breaking point in late April. Sick of laziness, mixed interest, and changing diapers, we embarked on a massive effort. It involved gathering the following: five packs of five little boy underpants purchased from Amazon, the raiding of a few outgrown children’s sales for extra shorts and pants, a few reward stickers, and books for the potty.
The first two days were epic fails. By the third day, thanks to his fabulous caregivers at daycare, we had a schedule: every 25-30 min. he tries. There are still accidents but that schedule has alleviated all clean clothes from being soiled. We are about six weeks in and he’s still teetering on telling us before he actually goes. The big accomplishment this past week has been getting him to poo on the potty. Another lengthy activity, it involves sitting him down and bringing in a few books as it takes a good ten minutes from start to finish.
It’s certainly frustrating some days. And when we go out – to the circus or the zoo – and bathroom amenities are limited or uncertain, I break down and do a diaper or pull-up. I realize it isn’t a step back but rather a side step to prevent complete mess. I learned that the hard way at Plays & Players Theatre during a kids’ performance.
As my colleague Jenny would say, pretty soon it’ll be “Get your coat, we’re leaving!” as he’ll be trained and less likely to need a nap. And while I suspect I’ll be glad to leave some of the yuckier mom moments behind me, I see now at three how amazing this little person is with each milestone. And I’ll miss the “Mommy, I peeped” moments and him staring down at his pants, covered in pee.
The first two days were epic fails. By the third day, thanks to his fabulous caregivers at daycare, we had a schedule: every 25-30 min. he tries. There are still accidents but that schedule has alleviated all clean clothes from being soiled. We are about six weeks in and he’s still teetering on telling us before he actually goes. The big accomplishment this past week has been getting him to poo on the potty. Another lengthy activity, it involves sitting him down and bringing in a few books as it takes a good ten minutes from start to finish.
It’s certainly frustrating some days. And when we go out – to the circus or the zoo – and bathroom amenities are limited or uncertain, I break down and do a diaper or pull-up. I realize it isn’t a step back but rather a side step to prevent complete mess. I learned that the hard way at Plays & Players Theatre during a kids’ performance.
As my colleague Jenny would say, pretty soon it’ll be “Get your coat, we’re leaving!” as he’ll be trained and less likely to need a nap. And while I suspect I’ll be glad to leave some of the yuckier mom moments behind me, I see now at three how amazing this little person is with each milestone. And I’ll miss the “Mommy, I peeped” moments and him staring down at his pants, covered in pee.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Irises
Never expect these guys to bloom but they surprise me each year. I am also loving the hybrid ones.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
10 years later
A colleague and fellow blogger, The Culture Mom, recently wrote about changes she's experienced over the past 10 years. It got me thinking...
I reflected on one element of this a week or so ago right after I saw Richard Ashcroft in concert. The technology changes we've seen since 2001 have been enormous. I talked here about how the concert going experience has drastically changed for the audience.
But what else? 10 years ago I was laid off from my first job, just barely 23 years old. I had a horrible falling out with a friend and this week marks the 10 year anniversary of my grandfather's passing. It was a horrible first three months. It would get worse when I would experience loss at a larger scale in September when the towers collapsed. While I didn't know anyone personally affected, it further escalated my feelings of loss, grief and vulnerability.
I was young, ambitious and figuring out my place in the world. My parents were still separated. I was learning how to draw lines and set boundaries in relationships, and learning about myself within those relationships. Classic quarter life existential crisis.
I was about 10 lbs lighter ;) a nice size 4/6 pre baby. I was living in the city and enjoying the proximity to coffee houses, the museum area, my still favorite of all time gym, Life Fitness in Fairmount. I had a lot of free time but I was wasn't like most carefree 20 somethings. The layoff (and the subsequent ones) drove me into a very focused, very driven mentality. I was very intense and I brought that level of intensity to everything I did. I felt frustrated and somewhat entitled. I always wanted more and strived to identify what "more" looked like. It was one of only a few times in my life that I couldn't visualize what lay ahead of me.
I partied a little, not to the extent I did in college but I enjoyed checking out new places in Old City and Manayunk. I shopped at The Limited, The Gap, and Banana Republic. My style was a tad more trendy. I dyed my hair myself. I worked out a lot and ate as healthy as I do now.
Just the other day I was listening to The Smiths and my mind went immediately to 1998-2000 when I was taking photography classes at SJU. I can still smell the photo chemicals in the room, taste the freedom I had to come and go to the darkroom, and the events surrounding the times. I loved college. LOVED IT. While there was a lot of personal turmoil then, I fought my way through it, found a balance with the I have/have not. I had one of the most amazing senior years ever and I knew then how lucky I was to be experiencing all I was. I could feel then how I was growing emotionally, mentally, intellectually, culturally...
When I consider where I am now -- 33, married, little guy, working to build a business -- I'm actually in a much better, happier part of my life. To this day, I don't like to waste time and there's still a level of intense enthusiasm I bring to most projects and situations, but thankfully, I've mellowed a bit since then. Sometime around the time I was 29 I got a sense of perspective. I realized I was OK with my choices and I didn't need to explain myself. I was content in my relationships and with who I was, what I had learned, how I'd evolved. My pregnancy forced me to slow down just enough to relish in some simple things that I never allowed myself time for previously - baths, manicures and pedicures, salon visits, watching a little TV or reading. I still need reminders to slow down sometimes...I see myself doing so much with my son and it's terrific but there's also something to be said for just chilling out.
There's definitely not nearly as much time for me as there once was. I miss the creativity that seemed to flow freely in college and often in my 20s. Somedays I resent that...though not because I wish things were the same as they were then. More like I wish the selflessness was recognized more often. I'm not a selfless person by nature. But I'm a responsible one. Having a child means putting his needs before mine daily. It's out of responsibility but also love. I've learned to be a lot less selfish. I'm still assertive and still aware of what I need but I can't say I get the help I know I should. I'm also someone that likes to do a lot. I have to find balances but I do have to fight for "me" time.
I reflected on one element of this a week or so ago right after I saw Richard Ashcroft in concert. The technology changes we've seen since 2001 have been enormous. I talked here about how the concert going experience has drastically changed for the audience.
But what else? 10 years ago I was laid off from my first job, just barely 23 years old. I had a horrible falling out with a friend and this week marks the 10 year anniversary of my grandfather's passing. It was a horrible first three months. It would get worse when I would experience loss at a larger scale in September when the towers collapsed. While I didn't know anyone personally affected, it further escalated my feelings of loss, grief and vulnerability.
I was young, ambitious and figuring out my place in the world. My parents were still separated. I was learning how to draw lines and set boundaries in relationships, and learning about myself within those relationships. Classic quarter life existential crisis.
I was about 10 lbs lighter ;) a nice size 4/6 pre baby. I was living in the city and enjoying the proximity to coffee houses, the museum area, my still favorite of all time gym, Life Fitness in Fairmount. I had a lot of free time but I was wasn't like most carefree 20 somethings. The layoff (and the subsequent ones) drove me into a very focused, very driven mentality. I was very intense and I brought that level of intensity to everything I did. I felt frustrated and somewhat entitled. I always wanted more and strived to identify what "more" looked like. It was one of only a few times in my life that I couldn't visualize what lay ahead of me.
I partied a little, not to the extent I did in college but I enjoyed checking out new places in Old City and Manayunk. I shopped at The Limited, The Gap, and Banana Republic. My style was a tad more trendy. I dyed my hair myself. I worked out a lot and ate as healthy as I do now.
Just the other day I was listening to The Smiths and my mind went immediately to 1998-2000 when I was taking photography classes at SJU. I can still smell the photo chemicals in the room, taste the freedom I had to come and go to the darkroom, and the events surrounding the times. I loved college. LOVED IT. While there was a lot of personal turmoil then, I fought my way through it, found a balance with the I have/have not. I had one of the most amazing senior years ever and I knew then how lucky I was to be experiencing all I was. I could feel then how I was growing emotionally, mentally, intellectually, culturally...
When I consider where I am now -- 33, married, little guy, working to build a business -- I'm actually in a much better, happier part of my life. To this day, I don't like to waste time and there's still a level of intense enthusiasm I bring to most projects and situations, but thankfully, I've mellowed a bit since then. Sometime around the time I was 29 I got a sense of perspective. I realized I was OK with my choices and I didn't need to explain myself. I was content in my relationships and with who I was, what I had learned, how I'd evolved. My pregnancy forced me to slow down just enough to relish in some simple things that I never allowed myself time for previously - baths, manicures and pedicures, salon visits, watching a little TV or reading. I still need reminders to slow down sometimes...I see myself doing so much with my son and it's terrific but there's also something to be said for just chilling out.
There's definitely not nearly as much time for me as there once was. I miss the creativity that seemed to flow freely in college and often in my 20s. Somedays I resent that...though not because I wish things were the same as they were then. More like I wish the selflessness was recognized more often. I'm not a selfless person by nature. But I'm a responsible one. Having a child means putting his needs before mine daily. It's out of responsibility but also love. I've learned to be a lot less selfish. I'm still assertive and still aware of what I need but I can't say I get the help I know I should. I'm also someone that likes to do a lot. I have to find balances but I do have to fight for "me" time.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
School
I love taking a few candid shots of Mitch at school. I so wish I had done this last year and the year before...captured him in the infant room and in the young toddler room.
Monday, April 04, 2011
Richard Ashcroftvat The Bowery Ballroom 3/23/11
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Monkees
A few tunes in the car had me home and downloading a bunch of the band's music and feeling like I'm hearing it for the first time again.
It's hard to find original videos (from the show) and the few that are out there are in lousy quality (no HD video or recording back in the 60s). But this is a cool compilation.
Who knew as a second generation Monkees fan in '87 that the show and music was essentially laying the foundation for my discerning musical taste and my obsession with all things (especially clothes) 60s mod? To this day, I still covet the red double breasted tunics they wore in so many of their videos.
It's hard to find original videos (from the show) and the few that are out there are in lousy quality (no HD video or recording back in the 60s). But this is a cool compilation.
Who knew as a second generation Monkees fan in '87 that the show and music was essentially laying the foundation for my discerning musical taste and my obsession with all things (especially clothes) 60s mod? To this day, I still covet the red double breasted tunics they wore in so many of their videos.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Stand Back on Solid Gold
You're lying if as a music loving child in the 80s you didn't watch - or admit to watching - Solid Gold. The GOLD STANDARD. I freakin loved it. I just wanted to go (as a 5 year old) to dance. Anyway, in my hunt today for some Stevie Nicks videos (random need of the day), I stumbled upon this classic video of Stevie rockin it on Solid Gold. I'm guessing this is 1983-84.
The best is the break -- the dude dancing. Hello? Where ARE these dancing guys today (and I don't mean Idol or Glee). He does a twirl. LOVE.
The best is the break -- the dude dancing. Hello? Where ARE these dancing guys today (and I don't mean Idol or Glee). He does a twirl. LOVE.
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