A Manifesto

I was on the phone this afternoon with a potential artist roster addition, talking about where things are, where I want them to be with the business.  I can't remember the context exactly now, nor my exact words but I about a nano second after I said it, I heard it.  I heard the words that came out of my mouth. 

Over the last 3-7 months folks have congratulated me on my new business endeavors, made comparisons (and contrasts) between me and other colleagues, and many have mentored me and helped me work through a lot of business issues and insecurities.  So many have had to remind me not to compare myself to others.  And then followed it up with, "Is that what you want?  What is that you want?"  I didn't know. 

But maybe I did.  Maybe all that "comparison" was just my inner self really truly wanting and aspiring to that.  Yes, there is no way to be where others are right now - that is/was certainly a lesson to learn.  Everyone moves at their own pace and sets their own goals...moreover, my mentors have 15+ years on me.  I physically cannot be there.  But what about the rest?  Have I really just been squashing what I want because I was looking at it through the wrong lens?  Have I been afraid to admit or acknowledge it?  Is it the sort of thing that everyone else sees (and you know deep down) but can't face yet?

Maybe.

But today it just came out.  Like some gate opened and out poured the water of hope and aspiration.  Whatever I was holding back, afraid to admit either because I was afraid of wanting too much or afraid my dream would look too similar, whatever had me pondering for so long and/or second guessing myself was overrun today by my subconscious.

I want an office.  A real office.  I don't want to work out of my house anymore. I want space.  And frankly, to me, it feels more legit.  Sorry, my home address has never boded well for a business address.  "2nd floor" or "Suite 3" is more my style, coupled with some charm in the decor. It's been two years.  I'm over it.

I want a staff.  Maybe not a staff of 5 or 7 or 10.  But about 3-4 people.  Someone else in sales, someone to handle contracts and servicing, someone to handle marketing and social media with the presenter, and someone to handle AIE and crafting curriculum guides.

I want a roster of about 15 artists.  I was cautious at first.  I thought 5 sounded manageable because I wasn't really living it.  Now I'm living it and it's not so bad.  Moreover, having the right marketing mix can work in one's favor.  The key is to grow organically and in due time. 

I want a salary.  I want a salary because I'm an independent soul at heart.  I can go back to not feeling guilty over buying hand crafted jewelry...I can put my kid in private school...I can return to Greece in two years.  Yes, I love to travel.  A lot.  Day trips, weekend trips, conferences, vacations, whatever.  I'm a creature of change.  I have no doubt I was a nomad in a previous life.  I don't feel guilty about it...in fact, I lose a bit of myself when I can't travel and I'm a miserable person because of it.  People don't get it but screw it, it's who I am.

I'm my own person, that is for sure.  Maybe I look like a few of my mentors all rolled into one.  Maybe I do look strangely similar to the places I've been, the people I've worked for.  We are what we live.  I don't care anymore.  On the surface the ambition might look the same, and maybe deep down, it is similar, but we are all our own selves and we bring that sense of self to what we do.  That's what differentiates us.

So yes, that is what I want.  An office, a staff, a slightly bigger, more evolved roster, a salary and the ability to travel.  To Greece.  I did more than say it in conversation.  I wrote it down.  And now it's mine.

Tales of a Runner: Gear

Gear.  Running Gear.  It's one of my favorite things about the sport.  Now I'm not a super matchy matchy girl but I've noticed that my closet boasts a lot of magenta, teal, turquoise, and black.  I recently added a red short sleeved top into the mix and it really stands out!

So why is the right gear important?  There are a couple of reasons. First, for moisture wicking and second for form and function.  I'm sure you remember being in high school and just grabbing your favorite tee and sweats and there were your practice clothes.  Maybe I'll blame that on the 90s, on 90s fashion rather...or on lack of social media throwing tons of cute sporty fashion at me...I don't know.  But that's besides the point.  The point is sweats can be great for a fast get your heart rate up warm up.  You may see X country runners warming up in sweats.  That's what they are good for -- retaining some heat (usually in the heat) so your muscles are warm.  That's it.  Most sweats are pure cotton and cotton is your enemy.  It absorbs moisture and actually makes you cold - not good when you are training and practicing in cold months, and in the summer, it's not helping either because you are swimming in a pool of sweat.  You need some poly blend to help wick the moisture.  And you want something that is form fitting.  It's less about being cute and more about function -- the more form fitting, the less bulk and weight you are carrying when you run.  I'm always aiming to feel light on my feet and in a race, for my personal best time.  That means running in weather appropriate form fitting clothing.  That sweatshirt will slow me - and you - down.  And we all know a second in running is a be all end all.

So where do I shop?  City Sports is one of my favorite shops - it has everything for every sport and I can find great running tops there as well as pants that work for running and yoga.  I did say pants.  I don't run in shorts.  I can't handle the chaffing that occurs so even in warmer weather, you'll see me in capris.  That said, I saw these ADORABLE Puma shorts on CitySports website and I might break down and buy them - they are on sale for $10 and weather appropriate for us Philadelphia folks right now (update: as of 4/16, they are sold out).  I look for something that has a little spandex for stretch and a micro polyester or mesh for wicking.  City Sports ALWAYS has a sale rack and it's pretty sweet too.  So no need to think you need to drop mega bucks on gear.

Below is a cute capri, also at City Sports - I have a pair similar to these and they rock.

I don't have a favorite brand really, but I do look also for pockets - on bottoms and tops (those Puma shorts have a pocket!).  Pockets on the side or back for my iPod or phone, keys and chap stick.  Essentials, right?  Also great is the little thumb hole in the long sleeved tops.  How many times are we pulling the sleeves over our hands for warmth?  Some genius created thumb holes in shirts so our hands are warm but we still have the ability to clench our iPods sans a glove.  Brilliant.

PrAna is a great source for yoga and stretching.  Do check the outlet for better deals.  The PraAna sports bra below is cute, can work as a bra underneath your shirt alone for yoga, also found on City Sports' site for $10 (update: as of 4/16, it's no longer available).  If you are bustier (sigh, not me), I highly suggest checking out Title Nine and Athleta as they carry a range of sports bras for every shape, support and cup size.

This PrAna pant is also adorable.  I found this on their site.  I probably wouldn't go on a long run with this given the poofiness at the top, but it's great for a short mile, for yoga, and even spinning.

I have also had a little luck at Target and Old Navy for a shirt here or there. Again, no straight up cotton but sometimes they have cute colorful tops that wick on the cheap. I mentioned above Title Nine and Athleta - they really are fabulous companies and brands for the sporty lifestyle gal. 

An upcoming post will talk about how to find the best running sneakers for your feet.

Tales of a Runner: Cross Training

I've have a run coming up in about 10 days and I've been a little neglectful in my runs over the past two weeks.  I'll blame it a bit on work travel the end of March and beginning of April as well as Easter.  Nevertheless, next weekend's run is looming before me and I need to make sure I'm warmed up and ready.  So that said, about 4 runs between now and then should be good since I'm not out of shape but going a while sans much means muscles aren't as strong as they need to be.

Besides runs, I do a lot of cross training.  I did not do this years ago when I trained for my half marathon and it was a big mistake.  Cross training is especially helpful in summer months, if you, like me, cannot run in temps above 70.  Seriously, I get a heat stroke if the sun is beating down on me and it's like, 74 degrees out.  So I've found that spinning, power yoga and some DVDs make ALL the difference - they work other muscle groups, mix up the workouts so I'm not bored, provide strength training and cardio training, keep me warm in between runs, and often mean a better run on race day.  AND, they keep me active in the summer.

A few of my favs:

Spinning -- I take classes at my local gym, ABSolute Fitness in Broomall, PA.  The spinning classes are great and often incorporate bands for some upper body work.

Jillian Michaels -- what can I say?  I love the woman.  She kicks my butt and makes me laugh as I sweat.  Her no BS style is right up my alley.  I have a collection of her DVDs but my favs are No More Trouble Zones, Shred it with Weights (she uses kettlebells), and her new one, KickBox Fast Fix.  Seriously, I'm always like, meh, how's she gonna challenge me THIS time?! (all snide and proud of myself) and it never fails to completely leave me sore and popping a few Advil the next morning.

Power Yoga -- I've been a devotee to power vinyasa since 2004.  I love this form because as you can see, I need intense, kick your butt workouts.  Vinyasa power yoga is a series of poses done sequentially in a faster paced flow usually in a heated room.  It delivers.  But more than that, power yoga is strength training, stretching and building flexibility (awesome for runners), toxin eliminating, and practicing thoughtfulness. It does quiet my mind because I'm very focused - on the pose, on letting go, on going a bit further or deeper in the pose.  I try to go once a week and right before a run - it's my internal and external cleansing of sorts. 

Yeah, I wish I could do this flying pigeon pose but not yet.  Bad ass, right?

Longwood Gardens

Tales of a Runner: Bibs and Pins

How many of you racers out there save your bibs?  Your pins?  I generally save the bib for a week or so and then toss it.  The pins...well, that's another story.  I always have a need for safety pins and I accumulate them by the boat load this time of year.  Four pins for the bib, one more to pin my car keys to my pocket (if I don't have a zip pocket).  My problem is I need a whole other jar to keep them.  Come the fall, I'll be out and ready to stock up again.

The Winter Pickle Runs I just completed (I did two of the three runs) were super fun and the whole Pickle piece of it all made it more humorous.  I may hang onto those bibs for a while.  They award prizes based on how close you come to your predicted time and last week, I had predicted 36 min and came in at 35:52.  I was in the Top 10 Closest Predictions and won this here jarred pickle.  Complete with sparkles.  That's a keeper for sure.  I'm not one to rack up the race shirts but I opted to buy one this year to commemorate the Pickle series.
Below - my bib from the first run and the "pickle" I won from the second for being 8 sec off of my predicted time.

Listening to Tegan & Sara - Call It Off - and thinking of my sister's situation...she just broke off her engagement and wedding.  It's so heartbreaking and sad.  I wish I knew what to do, what to say.  I knew it wouldn't really hit her until her stuff was out of his place.  That happened last night.

I can't get into it all here.  It's not really my place.  We all know it was the right thing.  But there are no words for how she must feel - and certainly how I feel and my parents feel - knowing she's falling apart and her vision, her happy future has all fallen and gone up in smoke.  It's hard to see the hope though through the dark black smoke.

Tales of a Runner Series

I wanted to start a series to capture my running tales and document a little more of my eternal quest for wellness.  My back story is that I've been a runner since I was 10.  I would have done track in third grade had they let me but alas, I had to wait another year.  I ran through grade school and high school.  In college, I refused to sell my soul to the schedule that any college athlete must keep to compete so I just ran recreationally.  My races were always sprints.  In my senior year of high school my relay team made DE States and I made Second Team All Catholic.  Awesome.

I'd always wanted to do a 5K or something but just never made the time honestly.  Right after my mother in law was diagnosed with pancreatic in cancer in 2005, I made a decision to start training again and this time for a bigger race: the sprinter would do a half marathon.  Most people work their way up; Not me.  I think my second blog post here has some pics of me finishing that race in September 2005.  She had passed away by then and interestingly, finishing that race was part of my personal healing process.  Running is certainly therapeutic for me and at times it's provided necessary outs for stress relief.  The late night runs were always "outs" from the stresses of the day, from work and from the emotional toll her illness had on me especially planning my wedding.  She passed in August, about 6 weeks before the run.  I didn't run the entire thing...I ran about half of it.  But I finished.  Partly because I dropped $40 on it and damnit, I was there! I was over the Falls Bridge so I had to get my ass back to the Art Museum :)  But it was for her too, for all her courage and ultimately, ability to let go and trust.  Now it was my time to let go of bitterness and trust the next steps in my life.

I would still run after that, but I didn't return to any races until 2010.   That was when I was really bit by the race bug.  I did three that season and my best was the first.  I have found out a lot of things about myself since then --

• I hate running in hot weather - 70 degrees is my max and I am done; I prefer a 45-50 degree day to run
• I need great shoes and need them every 12-18 mo
• I'm not a real endurance and distance runner - evidenced by the aforementioned story - so 5K is kinda my max although maybe one day I'll shoot for the Broad St. Run (10 mi)
• I have to train and cross train
• I still love the sport because it isn't really a race against anyone else but rather myself
• Seeing the clock at the end pushes me
• I need music...and sometimes that music is totally cheesy
• I hate cross country courses...I prefer certified courses on pavement
• My best time thus far was 34:44

Naturally between runs and cross training, one has tales.  Lots of them.  So this series will document my spring running tales and I'll try to pick it up again in the fall.  Fall is tough with conferences but I want to shoot for two runs like late Oct/early Nov.

Happy Running.

Welcome spring! 

Monoprint Tutorial

Saw this on Etsy earlier tonight and I cannot wait to try it out with the little guy.

Source: etsy.com via Chrissie on Pinterest

It was on a style board named "After All, You're My Wonderwall."  - Perfect.

Source: bricheeseandcrackers.tumblr.com via Chrissie on Pinterest

Storypeople

Haven't browsed Storypeople in a long time...today I stumbled upon a very appropriate one for Vince and tonight I'm poking around looking for one for my sister.  I'm still searching.  I did stumble on this one although I don't know it's name.

I can put down roots pretty quickly in the face of radical change, she said.

I haven't done anything sorta silly like this in a long time and heaven knows with all the stress circulating here lately, I could use a little silly.  So thanks to Steph A at A Modern Day Donna Reed for sending some love and silliness my way.

The Rules

1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.
3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.

Eleven Random Things 

1. I'm a bit of an 80s pop culture nut.  I remember lines from sitcoms and can recite them at the most appropriate times. 
2. I loved Billy Idol's Mony Mony as a child and busted my ass to master my dubbing skills with my recorder.  When things would go awry, I would sob.  Napster really saved me from a future of sound engineering.
3. I had an imaginary friend as a child, before my sister was old enough to interact with me.  His name was Enuja (pronounced eee-nu-sha)...I don't really know if that is how he spelled his name but we were good friends.
4. The Monkees were my first concert and I was beyond upset at Davy Jones' passing this week.
5. I developed an appreciation for vintage clothing/accessories around the age of 9/10.
6. I've asked guys out on dates.  
7. I have a big personality...I'm a lot to handle for a lot of people, at least initially.  
8. I rarely if ever burn bridges but I have a framed picture that says "May the bridges I burn light the way." My dad said to me, "The few times you do it, you are making sure no one else has to deal with that person/situation."
9. I love the supporting characters' roles in most movies and animated flicks more than the protagonist.  For example, I love Cruella De Vil and The Red Queen.  They are spiteful and evil but they represent that bit of bitch in all of us.  And there'd be no heroes without them.
10. I start a lot of art and/or craft projects and rarely finish them.  The marketing genius Seth Godin restored my sanity this past Fall when he told us in a keynote, "It's OK if you start and don't finish...it means it's a hobby."  
11. I have a fierce demeanor but I carry the world on my shoulders.  Maybe it's oldest child syndrome.  I don't know.

Steph's Questions

1. Favorite place to grab fast food? -- Chick-Fil-A 
2. Favorite class in high school? -- Art, then Lit 
3. What's your middle name? -- Marie 
4. Favorite 90's song (you know I had to ask)? -- How do I choose? Early 90s - Hey Jealousy | Gin Blossoms.  Mid-90s - Zombie | Cranberries and Wonderwall, Don't Look Back in Anger | Oasis.  Late 90s -- anything by The Goo Goo Dolls. 
5. Name a movie that makes you cry like a baby - Huh.  I honestly can't think of a real sappy flick but I do cry during the Sound of Music for sentimental reasons. 
6. How often do you REALLY clean your kitchen floor? - Ha!  I sweep it with a broom but I let our cleaning lady mop it every two weeks, unless there is a major spill that needs attending.  I don't mop. 
7. Favorite candy bar? - Snickers 
8. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? - Back to Greece because I loved it when I was 22...raw beauty and full of culture, ancient and modern.  But I want to go to the British isles too, to England (London), to Ireland and Scotland.  I want to see the cities and the countryside and go to all the theatre and see the Edinburgh Fringe. 
9. Favorite way to wear your hair? -- Blown out, straight. 
10. Name one of the Halloween costumes from your childhood -- My mom made our costumes for eons.  One year my sister and I were Raggedy Ann and Andy.  Adorable.  I made a promise that I would really "make" my son's costume soon! 
11. If you could change one thing about our country, what it would you change and why (and how?)? -- Eliminate the 2 party system.  It's antiquated and in my opinion does not truly represent the American people, especially today in our economy.  It frustrates good people into pigeon holing themselves...and that they must therefore choose the lesser of the two evils. 
    How?  I am not sure but I liken it to the Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell and finding that right balance.  It requires trial and error.  It means every year more independents (or whatever party, I am using "I" for Independent for simplicity sake here) stepping up and running for an office - as an I - and making the I have a place, a voice.  The challenge here of course is funding the campaign but I go back to grassroots - with Kickstarter and a few angel investors, one could run a decent campaign.  No, it won't look like what exists right now but that's the point - it has to look different to represent something different.  The majority will ignore it initially but the more it happens, the more mainstreamed it becomes, the more it's accepted.  At some point, there will be the right number of "I"s - running, declaring themselves as "I" and voting that we will have diluted the R and D that exist today so we have a government that is truly more representational of the people.  I honestly believe that what goes on in D.C. is insanity fueled by the media and more insanity.  If you put an entrepreneur in Congress, I bet you'd be amazed at how quickly things were prioritized and how fast shit got done. 

Sad.  Phil and Whitney have been on repeat lately because they've captured the sadness and brokenness well.  When someone you love suffers, we all feel a part of the pain.  Sometimes life is so unfair.  "Where do broken hearts go?  Can they find their way home?"  God, I hope so.

RIP Daydream Believer

So very sad...another musical star has left us...this time, one of my personal favorites.  This morning Davey Jones of The Monkees died of a heart attack and this gal is grieving the loss of her first childhood artistic inspiration.  He was by far my favorite - adorable to me even at 10 in 1987 - and those rockin 60s mod duds would send me to vintage shops as a teen, college and young adult in search of the allusive double breasted tunic and A line dresses and go go boots.  That tunic still remains just out of reach.

Last year about this time several radio stations had played a few Monkees tunes that sent me on a Monkees binge for a month or so and I had posted this then.  I have been a fan for nearly 25 years - which is a blip compared to those who really grew up with the guys.  But today the band as we knew it is down one and things won't ever be the same.

I wrote this on Piccadilly's page earlier.  It sums up my feelings.

Very sad to hear the news of Davy Jones' passing. Little did he and his band mates know that 20 years after their formation this gal, at age 10, would find them on Nick and become a tad obsessed...With Davy, with their awesome 60s mod clothes, with their cult classic show, with the well known and under the radar tunes (Shades of Gray)...and carry the inspiration forth in my music taste (my first concert!), my indie style (60s vintage dresses!), and ultimately let it guide me in choosing a fun (London) mod inspired name for this biz. The Monkees were always under appreciated and unfairly compared to other 60s greats but they were awesome for what they were initially intended for...and when they broke free, their creative collective genius is seen on an album like Headquarters. Davy was my first childhood artistic inspiration. I'm grieving that artistic loss. RIP Davy.

Here are a few favorite pics.

 

 

And a great tune | video

 

I was just a little obsessed when I saw this technique. I don't even need the wood. Just the organic process transferred to paper is enough to make me giddy.

Source: wearedesignbureau.com via Chrissie on Pinterest

You'll be fine

Just found myself saying to my cousin the very words I heard the other day..."You know more about yourself at 24/25 than I did...you will be fine...try not to be so hard on yourself."  Because I knew how I was then.  I saw myself in her, in that moment.  Young and overwhelmed. 

So for all the "you're young" comments I hear, they must have heard them too...for all the stress I put on myself and unloaded, they were there too.  More than there...they see themselves in me. 

I've taken some of those comments as condescending, a little mockery, like they don't take me seriously, like I'm always a baby despite all my efforts to look otherwise.  But maybe that's not really it...

And maybe the only words to say are those because really, I wouldn't have been able to handle, to live, anything more than that at 24/25.  Or now at 34.  Even now, I think of what I might have told myself then and if it could have mattered.  All I come up with is exactly what was said to me.  I would not have believed or listened to anything else because I had to figure stuff out on my own.

It's an amazing moment realizing someone sees him/herself in you.

"You will be fine."

Sometimes I get kicked right back to a place - an emotional place - that I thought I'd squashed and moved passed.  Sometimes it's that same person who does it.  Sometimes the 180 I do leaves my head spinning.

Today is the first day of Lent and my promise to myself is to do my best to get out of my own head and past old demons and insecurities that have reared their ugly heads in recent weeks due to the business' struggles and my innate desires to prove myself - to myself and others. 

Maybe in 40 days I won't feel so unsupported...so hard on myself...so embarrassed...so young.  Not letting certain things affect me takes major effort especially when I work so hard to change past images and perceptions and I want so badly to be seen as an ace.  I don't know how I'm getting to that mental place.

Sleeping Bags for Man's Animals

The boy would love these for his animals.

Source: hazelnutgirl.blogspot.com via Merche on Pinterest

I had a moment this afternoon - filled with so much emotion, totally overwhelmed at how awesome my pow wow with my mentor went - when I remembered how I had wanted this dialogue at PAE months back and how angry I was that he had just reacted and then blew me off and I retaliated with the silent contract of "I'm not talking to you. EVER. Until you grovel." And that lasted a little while until he did sorta grovel in his own way and then I learned a little more about his reactions.  And today I learned more, soaked in the knowledge, and processed so much.  And in my moment of gratitude, I said to myself, "There is a reason this didn't happen in September.  You wouldn't have been able to understand...to live the answers.  You had to live the questions."  I was paraphrasing Rainer Maria Rilke's words from Letters to a Young Poet.
 

I'm still overwhelmed hours later. I can't explain it.  It was partly what was discussed and offered but more than that was how it felt.  It was somehow a blend of peer to peer discussion, a conversation with the older/wiser friend who understands, and a sprinkling of support, idealism and realism, and faith in you that only a parent might offer.

Creativity

Source: neutralnotes.tumblr.com via Lyle on Pinterest