Transitions

Today is my second week as a nanny. I part time in the later afternoon for two fraternal twin boys, aged 10. They rock...I seriously couldn't ask for two better kids. They are responsible, accountable, involved, smart, open...Having put up with so much BS over the last few years, this experience is refreshing.

I popped some popcorn for the boys today and recall doing the same at the Pie for Steve's son, Junior. Jon and I were like the work parents of the boy. While we couldn't comprehend how popcorn was a vegetable, we popped it and let Junior munch away, ask us questions about the business, skate around on his slick black sneaker skates and then look at each other and shrug when Steve scolded us for letting Junior do stuff he shouldn't (we thought it looked like fun skating on the hardwood floors!?)...

Somedays I do miss that...miss the daily interactions with Jon. Except that we spent a great deal of time confused and annoyed and bitter at our work situation. I move forward and resist the temptation to text or call daily to hear familiar voices. It's nice when we talk about something other than that place. But we aren't there...yet?

I remember when I first started at the Pie and everyday for 3 months I wanted to call Baylin and hear voices. That was one of the toughest transitions. Prior to that, I'd been laid off, cut loose without the chance to say goodbye really. I left BAM, a family practically, on good terms but definitely before I truly wanted to leave. Of course because of the circumstances surrounding my leave, I also buried most of my transitional feelings - I didn't call because even though I wanted to hear voices, there'd be talk of conferences that I wasn't attending...talk of an artist or school that wasn't my responsibility anymore. I didn't want to be angry so I ignored the sadness, the hurt, and just focused on being in a new place. I got through the first couple of months by listening to the voices that still played in my head...when I was confused about a sale or how to handle something, I'd think, What would Marc do? How would BAM handle this? And I'd find my answer, smile and feel comforted. But then Jon returned and we instantly connected and while a few insecurities crept up last year, I knew then I had a partner there and I was in a better place.

One year later I am out of there...and nowhere near as sad during this transition. I don't call Jon simply because I don't want to rehash the same old gossip. I also want to see if the "friendship" withstands the nonworking environment. The Pie was the transition time. The rest time before the surge forward. I suppose Jon was part of the transition. It was to get me past the BAM issues, past the insane commute, past Vince's mother's passing, past our wedding plans, past whatever lingering insecurities I had. I am glad I am here, on the other side.

I wonder though...these situations and people prepared me and were transitions for me...ultimately bringing me to this point. But what was I to them?