Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Me & My Shadow

A fabulous Frank Sinatra song. It made the cocktail hour cut. Maybe because it illustrates my life right now. I'm the oldest child, so by nature I'm used to being first, being the guiney pig, being the one in the spotlight (sometimes good, sometimes not), setting the example, needing approval...all those wonderful things that make us first borns Type A and over-achievers. For all the built in stress that comes from that place, it's still familiar territory and where I tend to feel most comfortable. Which makes it extremely difficult for me to be in anyone's shadow.

I remember in Third Grade, this new girl joined our class. We'd have these little contests to see which aisle was the cleanest at the end of each day. Naturally, the new girl's row would win daily. This went on for some time. Little gold stars would adorn their pumpkins, turkeys, holiday trees or whatever symbol for that month. 9 years old I was busting my ass to sweep my floor and clean my desk and my row never got a star. When my parents announced to the teacher we were moving and my last day would be in early December, only then did my row win and get a star.

That's a funny example of someone just playing favorites. That's more annoying than anything else. What's worse is having to work with someone who is always outshining the point where you almost wish that person wasn't there just so you could have a chance. Because I'm a great people person and I can make sales when I have a chance. It's also that there aren't enough people to go around so the ones that do come in my co-worker either already knows/is working with or he swallows them up. Nothing left for the rest of us.

Like the ball hog in basketball.

The nice thing about track was even though there might be one girl or guy who was the fastest on the entire team, he or she wasn't in every race. That person had his/her own area and own race. You knew they were great and valuable to the team as a whole, but essentially, it was about you and your personal best.

It depresses me. My mentality needs more. It needs the chances, the ownership, the sense of acomplishment, the moment to shine, even if it's like the track star that shines in her one area. Marketing is a behind the scenes job and maybe once in a while you see fruits of your labor in an article that's published. I just always enjoyed it because it's a way to express myself creatively. But networking and selling fuels the extrovert in me. It makes me happy. And right now, I'm just not. There's just a big black shadow in front of me all the time.

Nothing To Eat

Apparently no one wants to eat at this wedding. The Catholic Church and the food - the two biggest issues surrounding this wedding. They were issues in the beginning and floated through other discussions and now they are here again. Maybe the flowers could take a close third. Let's think about that. The Church, food, flowers. I mean what the F?

Vince and I had our tasting at the Townehouse the other night and we came away stuffed little pigs but with some well thought out plans for the food. Since there isn't a choice, we'd go with a chicken and we felt a breaded chicken stuffed with a little ham and swiss would be great. A twice baked potato and veggies on the side, a shrimp bisque soup and a caeser salad. Yum. And we chose our top two apps. Meanwhile back at the ranch (68 DOgwood Lane), the 'rents have had this menu for months...MONTHS...and even looked at it last week, knew about the tasting, knew about a details menu with the TH, knew decisions had to given 2 weeks out. Even knew about my crazy work schedule this week. I told them yesterday about the tasting and asked them to have their stuff squared away in time.

They don't care. They purposely controlled the information and didn't tell me they were purposely flaking out on the decision until 7:30 this morning. I mean, what the hell? Food is important and they haven't been giving its proper attention the entire time. Now with hours before the deadline, they are still floundering. I try to take control of my own details and this is what I get.

There's just no respect. No one is treating us like adults who know how to make a decision. I'm too disgusted to write any more.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Cookies & Crackers

Eight years ago I had an internship with Nabisco that lasted about six weeks. I came away from the intership with three valuable lessons:

First, you figure out what you want in life by figuring out what you don't want. I didn't want to be a Food Marketing major anymore. I could not work as a Territory Rep for Kellog's or some big chain, schlepping around to various markets and calling on clients, selling, and checking merchandise. No way.

Second, never ever put up with sexual harassment whether it's blatent or not. If it makes you uncomfortable, speak up. Then keep records of everything because you'll need it if/when the bastard gets fired.

Third, in the end, it's all just cookies and crackers. One of the guys I was following around in those weeks said those words to me and it was hilarious. Literally, that's what it was. Oreo cookies and Triscuit crackers! Years later I still recall it because it grounds me completely.

It's so easy to let things work us into tizzies. I dealt with so much BS in my last job that I now tend to let too much roll off my back. But here and there, someone knifes me in the back, purposely, manipulatively. My one co-worker has done this repeatedly to me over the last few weeks...slithering his way into some of my sales leads and then stealing the sale and customer from me. Each time the knife got a little deeper and the pain stung a little more. I've been honest with this co-worker and told him how it makes me feel...and that I have never done that to him. But today, I just broke down, thankfully, in my car on the ride home. I wasn't there when it happened (which is why it happened)...but he saw me speaking with this guy yesterday about a table and some other items and knew I'd made a call to the artist to obtain additional information. I even sent the guy an email with links. I imagine the guy came in and asked for me. Even if he hadn't, he would have alluded to the previous days conversation. All of which Evil Co-Worker knew. He had the balls to tell my owner he sold the guy the table and talked about the other items. The hilarious part is my owner knew I had worked with the guy! She totally called Evil Co-Worker on it and said "I'm pretty sure that's Chrissie's guy from yesterday."

ARG! I still want to arrange voodoo dolls and stick them with pins and damn Evil Co-Worker to Hell. I could go on about how "look at me, look at me" Evil Co-Worker is but you get the drift.

So I'm left wondering how to handle this tomorrow. I am trying to remember that it's just cookies and crackers here. I mean I'm crying over a lost sale? Get it together Chris. You still need your stinkin wedding band and your marriage is in 3 weeks! But I know my little Type A personality likes that sense of accomplishment and ownership and he is continuously robbing me of it. Can I find that somewhere else? Would I be OK finding it somewhere else? Or should I let it go, be the bigger person who doesn't need this drama in her life to define her? He's the 40 year old baby who obviously needs the attention more than me so he stoops to evil manipulative measures to get it. But why do I have to roll over and enable him? It's what keeps victims entrenched in their victim mentality.

What do I really want here? To work with the guy on his design space? Or to F Evil Co-worker and take back what's rightfully mine in the name of truth and accomplishment! If I can't truthfully say the first thing, then I should let it go and let Evil Co-Worker have it. Sadly, none of us should ever have to be looking at either of these opions (he pulls these sneak attacks on everyone). We should be able to be free to make our our sales. We're manipulated and backed into a corner so we have to make this choice and therefore fuel his need. The bottom line is - I don't need him or his crap. So let this blog be a written reminder to me to peace him out, however I need to accomplish it.

He's just a cookie and cracker.

Friday, April 07, 2006

A Daunting Task

I'm sitting here right now peeling through my entire collection of MP3s making sure I don't miss a single potential tune that could be played at our wedding. But where will this fabulous song go? Cocktail hour? Softly played during dinner? A slow dance ballad? A tune to rock out?

I'm staring at my life here. It's like trying to pick favorite children. I'm very singer-songwriter heavy as well as very Brit Pop heavy. How to balance all this with the needs of a party?!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Champagne In Heaven

Tonight I arrived home from work to a fabulous meal cooked by my fiance...tasty chicken marinated in a marsala wine served over a bed of pasta. Topped off with our favorite Panera Bread - Asiago Cheese. It was delictable. We toasted with our expensive champagne & strawberries to 1 Year in our house. One year of home loans (29 to go), home improvements, and living together. A whole year has passed - what an accomplishment. And while there has been a bounced check (or two), a squabble (or two) over finances, friends, chores, hosta plants, etc. amazingly, no one left!

But really, I'm thinking of all that right now. What was really going through my mind right then was how we need to this more - cook together, eat together, just make the time in our crazy busy schedules. The other thought? Staring at the floating strawberry in my champagne, I remembered the homily from his grandfather's funeral two weeks ago. This priest told a slew of stories - one thing I actually enjoy about a funeral service. Particularly that Dan loved his champagne. He told us he imagined there must be champagne in heaven for him. Probably the next time we have champagne will be at our wedding. I hope we remember his spirit right then too as I know he'll be with us on that special day...drinking his entire bottle of champagne in heaven :)

Speaking of -- 35 days to go!