Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Being Here Now

This post wedding feeling is still weird. I'm grateful for the honeymoon immediately after the wedding because it distracted me for a week. The wedding completely exceeded my expectations and I was on such a high that I crashed around 1 am the night of the wedding, depressed that it was over.

My dress still hangs in my room and I have to touch it each day. I may wear it around the house soon. Why not? It's so surreal and amazing...I'm taking my time coming down from all this! It's so rare in life you experience such an emotional high. It was my college graduation last time. And I rode that wave all summer of 2000.

Saturday, May 13, 2006


Sans a camera on our wedding day, I relied wholeheartedly on my memory to capture the moments. Ian captured everything else!

Sleeping horribly the night before at Betty and Ed's.
A surprise guest 6 days before it was due to arrive - Ibuprofen being my good friend.
Bethann and I dragging ourselves to the hair salon and neither feeling fully awake until hair and makeup were finished and we looked fabulous.
Oh wait, I take that back - Bethann hated her makeup and I was talking her off the ledge at 9:30 that morning.
Jocelyn and Kristen arriving at the house, getting dressed, and then helping me into my gown, everyone laughing seeing boobies.
On the porch, dressed finally, Ia snapping away, attempting to pin on dad's boutinier.
WHERE WAS THAT STINKIN LIMO?! (I cannot wait to see the photo of Jocelyn "That bastard!")...
Me trying to get into that limo when it finally arrived at 2 minutes before 11.
Last minute guests arriving at the church…I wait anxiously in the limo.
Looking up, seeing Jill on the steps waiting for her cue.
That crazy aisle runner!
How surreal it was walking down the aisle with dad then seeing the entire church packed full of people.
My leg shaking on the altar – is this ceremony almost over?!
Looking around to stay calm - Look at all these people! This church is PACKED! Jill is in the balcony and sounds amazing with the organ and the trumpet...
Walking hand in hand with Vince to the back, people clapping...
Grandparent photos outside the church.
How glorious it was at the park - wasn't it supposed to rain today?! I cannot believe it's 70 plus degrees and sunny.
The random dude peeing in the park.
The ice cream truck.
Getting to the TH and all of us devouring the appetizers!
Our parents being introduced to the Cure.
The bridal party being introduced to Fleetwood Mac's Don't Stop - everyone standing and clapping and all of us dancing.
Going right into our first dance and everything around us feeling like a blur.
Me and dad dancing to Paul Simon's Father & Daughter and both of us being all teary eyed.
All of us crying while Vince danced with Aunt Eileen.
Trying to compose ourselves as our food was served and taking it all in from our head table view. Scott spun all my singer songwriter tunes - I distinctly remember David Gray, Dave Matthews, U2, Crowded House and the Finn Brothers, Lindsey Buckingham, Richard Ashcroft (I dragged Vince onto the dance floor for C'mon People)...
Eating every last bit of my food!
Picking up the digital camera and taking a few photos with it.
Liz coming over and offering uplifting words to us.
Becca knocking over the candelabra (thankfully after it was blown out).
Some of the first songs being We Are Family and Shout (A little bit louder now).
Dad busting out the Turtle.
Being dragged into a big ol family photo just as Kool & The Gang came on (hello? I want to dance!?)...
Dancing with Susie to Katrina and the Waves
I cannot believe Uncle Joe caught that garter?! Where was my back up Morrissey song then?
Devon helping me to the bathroom.
Wandering into the Den and Brian, Johnny, and Mitchie getting everyone a round of camacazie shots.
Standing by the doorway and just watching everyone for 5 minutes.
Last snapshots outside on the deck.

Como se dice "Relaxing" en espanol?

I am in Mexico right now about 24 hours from saying Adios, Hasta Luego. Our time here was much anticipated and has proven very relaxing. Like when I go to the shore - I just sleep better and feel more relaxed overall. I think I slept a good 10 hours the first two nights we were here and since then about 9 hours each night. At home I stay up until 11 or midnight. Here, I've passed out as early as 8 pm or as late as 10:30 pm. I suppose the heat and the walking and activity have really wiped me out! Normally I come home from a vacation wanting a vaction, but this time, I can say I am very happy with the quality of R&R I've had here.

Here are some photos of our time here in the Riviera Maya.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Standing On the Shoulders of Giants

That is where I am right now. I've been here for some time. It's similar to being on the ledge of a cliff, except there you are truly freaking out and ready to jump. Here I am very high up, on top of the world (literally and figuratively) with this amazing panorama view. I've seen a lot of memories pass before me and a lot of the current chaos play out before me from this place.

It's not terribly scary, but it just makes me very aware. I'm not jumping on Saturday...I've been preparing for this day for eons now! But it does mark the beginning of a new phase of my life. I suppose I've been shedding little parts of me for a little while now and the older I get, the less attached I am to those little parts and what they represented. Listening to some old tunes now (and when I compiled the DJ list) I am reminded of where I was and how far I've come.

Everyone asks me how I am feeling. I am not worried about Saturday (except maybe the weather). I'm not worried about saying "I Do" and that it's forever. What I think about isn't Saturday or next week or even next year. I think about 15 years from now because I have absolutely no idea who I'll be, who Vince will be, who we'll be together, how we'll be with kids and other responsibilities factored into the equation. That complete unknown. That is what is more frightening.

One thing that hit me yesterday was my soon to be new last name. There's a lot in a name and I've always been called Banana or Chiquita Banana or some term of endearment. It saddens me to let that go. I'd keep both, but two Italian last names are a mouthful. I thought what I might do is use some wedding money to customize a Sticks box and have it immortalized.

And from up here, closing in on the day, the reality that Mrs. D isn't here sinks in. I've channeled so much energy into getting things accomplished and here and there I'd crack, cry, and then feel as though from Beyond she let a wave of calm wash over us. Last week at Toppers Elisa used her GC for my manicure and said it was from mom and how it was her gift from beyond. It was this unexpected "presence" of her that day. But in the whirlwind that Saturday is sure to bring, how will I see her presence then?

Two weeks ago in my Village Voice horoscope it read the following:
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): In contemplating your astrological omens, I'm reminded of Terence McKenna's comment about a friend who "hurled herself into the abyss and discovered that it was a feather bed." If you can summon the courage to dive into the scary depths, Sagittarius, I do believe you'll be pleasantly surprised at the comfy, luxurious digs that await you at the end of your descent. Now go ahead and yell, "Geronimo!" which the dictionary defines as an exclamation used to express exhilaration when leaping from a great height.

Fitting considering my metaphor?