I had one of those "feels like old times" moments the other night. Vince and I schlepped over to Temple for the Hot 8 Brass Band performance. I had seen the band showcase a few years ago but I go further back than that. When I first started Piccadilly Arts I was still doing a little design work and after a few months of ups and downs, I remember Vince asking me, "Why hasn't Marc hired you for anything." To which I responded, "I don't know...he knows where I am and what I'm capable of." Naturally, two days later, he emailed me and asked me if I'd be interested in designing the herald of a new artist on his roster - The Hot 8 Brass Band.
That poster has legs because it was hanging up in the lobby of the Baptist Temple.
There was a good amount of time post Baylin when I felt weird being on the outside. Weird not working there or being there, Weird being a consultant, weird needing and asking for help, mentoring, knowledge, weird on the rare occasions I'd see Philadanco or another roster artist in performance and run into people. I mean, I was long gone and it was a hard choice to make and accept and despite the very long time it took me to move past it all, I was careful to not impose or linger. I was in a very immature and insecure place in my life in 2005 so I learned how to build some walls and protect myself during the aftermath. I had to stand by my decision if that makes sense. Act like I had totally moved on, didn't need anything, and was totally fine.
I suppose after I was laid off from PennPAT in December 2009, those walls finally came down. Part of it was the nature of the beast: Being laid off sucks and it immediately places you in a state of vulnerability. It could also be that despite his faults he is still one of a handful of people that has my back - a resource/mentor, a recommendation, someone that can magically make certain things happen.
So when we cap off a full row of colleagues at the concert the other night, I no longer feel weird. I feel grateful that I didn't burn the bridge because of my own insecurities and pride...confident in myself and my knowledge and that I'm where I'm supposed to be...and happy that I do have support. I guess it's like an evolved "feels like old times" mentality.