Friday, February 03, 2006

History Repeats

There must be a recurring theme this week: Personal History. Becca wrote about it in her blog and I've been feeling it and experiencing it on many levels this entire week. From songs that are a trip down memory lane to big ol' signs in my face - I'm remembering quite a bit about my past.

Over the last few days, I've been treated to some great celtic and jazz music on the radio reminding me of all the performances I was so lucky to hear and see while working at Baylin. It fanned the flame of missing that job.

I also heard The Verve's On Your Own yesterday (What ever happened to Rob's tape??), New Order's Temptation (Trainspotting anyone?), Oasis' Wonderwall (really, is this 1995 all over again?) and just now Pete Yorn's Strange Condition. It's amazing how songs become this soundtrack to one's life.

When I parked my car this morning I parallel parked behind this Volvo whose plates screamed Smithtown NY. My old hometown.

No matter where I go, how far I go, even how much I try to forget a person, place or thing, history is a boomerang, coming back, reminding me not just of these moments, but of myself. Who was I then? How have I changed? How have I stayed the same? And besides those things I truly have forgotten or buried, I also hear and see what I want to - looking for resolutions where I may not have had them previously.

Sometimes I wonder if history rears its head to force me to move forward, to forgive, forget the BS. To look inside myself for that trust I so desperately need. I wonder though - Am I enough for myself?

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