Monday, March 20, 2006

Big Rocks First

I was hoping these last few weeks before the wedding would be crazy, anxious, fun, and exciting. The shower at my mom's last weekend was intense - lots of people, lots of conversations, lots of food, lots of gifts, lots of thank you cards. I couldn't believe how many friends and family showed up and celebrated the day and occasion with me. I'm attaching some photos Becca passed along to me.

On the heels of the shower, we had PreCana. For all you non-Catholics out there, PreCana is a mandatory "class" couples must attend before they are married in the Church. Church in the greater sense of the word - religion/community. The class is actually an all day affair where a bunch of engaged couples come together and listen to other married couples give a series of talks on different subjects and how they relate to marriage. We heard stories of managing friends and family (perfect considering how Mike has become the family parasite), about finances (never a fun topic), about communication (Vince is usually distracted and not listening...I will fib and/or exhagerate things - these are all barriers), about spirituality and other subjects. Nobody preached. It was merely to make sure we were openly talking about all of these issues so there would be no major surprises down the road.

So all this warm fuzziness came to a screeching halt that evening when in the middle of watching Walk the Line, Vince's cousin phones us to inform us that Grandpop D has passed away in FL. Vince's grandpop was sick...he was in his mid 80s and his health had been deteriorating over the last year or so. Last weekend he had been admitted to the hospital and was in a coma for a bit. Then he woke and appeared better, talking and all, but his organs were slowly going. Truthfully, he really didn't suffer. He wanted to be in Florida where it was warm and he was. I adored him. He was such a spunky witty old man. Typical old school South Philly Italian. He reminded me so much of my grandpop, my dad's dad. The old stories - they were so similar to my grandfather's stories.

Sigh. The Sleeper song "Miss You" was played as I fell asleep that night. Yesterday I broke down - just angry, sad, emotional. Feeling like our engagement has been nothing but one tragedy after another. His sister, his cousin - Everyone was around, alive for their weddings, to see their kids. Why couldn't that have been us? And this is supposed to be a fun, joyful time and instead we grieve. It's all out of our control, but this weekend I was supposed to have a shower with Vince's side. For obvious reasons, it's not happening. I can't help but feel robbed of this whole fun engagement time. The bad stuff has dampened my time, our time.

It's tiring and my head hurts from thinking about it all. I thought of his grandmother opening the invitation that was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. I thought of how it'd be one more person to add to the program under "In Memory Of."

I digress for now. I don't feel well. I'm having muscle spasms or something. I wonder if it's the flu?

No comments: