I had a moment this afternoon - filled with so much emotion, totally overwhelmed at how awesome my pow wow with my mentor went - when I remembered how I had wanted this dialogue at PAE months back and how angry I was that he had just reacted and then blew me off and I retaliated with the silent contract of "I'm not talking to you. EVER. Until you grovel." And that lasted a little while until he did sorta grovel in his own way and then I learned a little more about his reactions. And today I learned more, soaked in the knowledge, and processed so much. And in my moment of gratitude, I said to myself, "There is a reason this didn't happen in September. You wouldn't have been able to understand...to live the answers. You had to live the questions." I was paraphrasing Rainer Maria Rilke's words from Letters to a Young Poet.
I'm still overwhelmed hours later. I can't explain it. It was partly what was discussed and offered but more than that was how it felt. It was somehow a blend of peer to peer discussion, a conversation with the older/wiser friend who understands, and a sprinkling of support, idealism and realism, and faith in you that only a parent might offer.