Sunday, February 19, 2012

I had a moment this afternoon - filled with so much emotion, totally overwhelmed at how awesome my pow wow with my mentor went - when I remembered how I had wanted this dialogue at PAE months back and how angry I was that he had just reacted and then blew me off and I retaliated with the silent contract of "I'm not talking to you. EVER. Until you grovel." And that lasted a little while until he did sorta grovel in his own way and then I learned a little more about his reactions.  And today I learned more, soaked in the knowledge, and processed so much.  And in my moment of gratitude, I said to myself, "There is a reason this didn't happen in September.  You wouldn't have been able to live the answers.  You had to live the questions."  I was paraphrasing Rainer Maria Rilke's words from Letters to a Young Poet.

I'm still overwhelmed hours later. I can't explain it.  It was partly what was discussed and offered but more than that was how it felt.  It was somehow a blend of peer to peer discussion, a conversation with the older/wiser friend who understands, and a sprinkling of support, idealism and realism, and faith in you that only a parent might offer.

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