Two!

A quick post to say my little guy is two today. I can't believe two years ago at this time I was pumped with petocin and an epidural not feeling a damn thing waiting for the staff at Crozer to tell me it was time (that would be around 7:30pm). Mitch came into this world at 8:19pm. Deadliest Catch played on Discovery Channel and it appropriately aired today ;)

Two whole years. Time really does flies. I miss that first summer sometimes - swaddling the little guy, letting him hang out in onsies all day, his adorable cradle, swing and boppy (and ALL his gear). Nothing quite compares to the first months of mommyhood.

Now our favorite things to do are arts and crafts, playing with trains, balls and anything outside. He talks up a storm and definitely loves hanging out with his mommy ;) His special day started with his favorite breakfast (Apple Jack, mana), included a trip to Brandywine Zoo, a lollipop, Mexican lunch, a 3 hour nap, pressies from Nana and Grandpop, Happy Birthday and a cupcake, wound down by Star Wars and popcorn. A great day.

Mitch, my best gift ever, happy 2nd birthday little boy!

The King Is Dead

If you've ever known my husband - ever - you've known a complete computer geek. Always the gamer, the network admin, my basement is littered with cables, wires, motherboards, bits and pieces of PC equipment and a ton of outdated software. It's possible somewhere down there is a floppy.

Vince could troubleshoot anything.

Until now.

His title as computer geek has officially ended. We both have new laptops with Windows 7 installed. We've had these laptops for some time now. His is older than mine. Once upon a time he'd have figured out that for whatever reason they could not connect to the server. He would have actually tried to do so. Instead, I'm moving thousands of music files off my old laptop and onto the server, now trying to upload them to the new laptop and into iTunes - with no luck.

He is clueless. The best I can do is access the information via the web IP. WHAT? That doesn't help me import the music.

A long time ago, before the world of License Restoration and SEO dominated his life (and baseball and Flyers), this would have been realized, addressed, and fixed - albeit with a few dollars spent at CompUSA - in one night.

I had computers built for me, issues troubleshooted, and yes, I was spoiled. Now, I must join the ranks of all the other folks in the world who have average nontechie partners and go at it alone. Or worse - call in reinforcements. This sucks.

Soon to be Two

I'm planning Mitch's two year old party and I just cannot believe how fast the time has gone. I've been very much aware of this passing of time in recent weeks and I'm doing my best to be here now, in the present moment. We are enjoying the lovely spring weather - complete with running, kicking the ball (kick da ball!), proclaiming every basketball net in sight, slides at the playground, riding trains at Linvilla and more. I suppose my most favorite has been, "Mommy, take a turn." Or, he'll take my hand as he says, "Mommy, blah blah hand." There really is this jumble of sounds in the middle of most of his sentences...I think it's just that...he's trying to formulate sentences based off of what he's hearing. He doesn't quite grasp each word in the middle, just the beginning and end. And a lot of associations. It's really amazing.

Oh, and Be Pa Pa is a melody. We discovered Bitty Bitty Bop is the real meaning behind it and stems from Thursday's Makin Music class. There ya go.

More words

I love that every baby has his or her own language or set of words. Mitch has a few phrases that would seem like random jibberish except that he has said them over and over for months now that I'm convinced they do in fact mean something to him:

Be Pa Pa (add in clasped hands shaking in the air) - maybe this is his interpretation of a melody?

Pina ma - Usually expressing excitement/happiness in a moment.

Ju Ma Ma or Ju Pa Pa - Now that I'm writing this, I wonder if it has something to do with mom vs. dad?

Mina or Pino or Bears - the distress calls, coupled with squinted eyes and lines in the forehead.

He's also progressed from "choo choo" to "choo choo chain!" and his voice rises as he insists on watching it on the TV.

He mimics everything now and I damn near died laughing when after he pointed and declared "choo choo chain" at yet another Tommy train, I said, "I know!" (with excitement) and he repeated "I know." Very matter of factly.

Words

Mitch's vocab has blown up in the past few months. Since I am terrible in keeping up with his little baby book, I wanted to jot down a few of the great words and phrases that I hear daily.

His first words were ball, dog (doe-awg), uh-oh (at-oh), hi, bye. Those I heard last spring and early summer.

Since then we've heard apple, cookie (spoken in a low sinister voice), juice, chair, frog (rut rut then fwra), bear, cars, Apple Jacks, pizza, color, Elmo, snow (knowing), night night, and of course Mommy and Daddy. He had been saying mommy for a little while this past fall but chose Christmas morning to call for me from his crib. Since I have been laid off, I now hear "mommy home."

He also will now call for the dog, Jules. "Juuuuueeeessss" sounds more like Jews. We went through all the colors and then some the other day and he is repeating everything...pointing at everything...I finally came to understand that "a bears" is code for help or distress.

It is so fun to experience everything through him.

My Brand Vision

I've had a ton of calls and emails...many I've initiated, some from my connections. Everyone wants to talk. Initially, this excited me. In a matter of six weeks though I'm a little burnt out from talking...more burnt out from the realization that I have my own vision, my own brand (whether I knew it or not) and bottom line - there aren't that many people, places, or things (thus far) that are truly in line with who I am and what I want this company to be.

I'm doing an exercise right now that's helping me clarify via messaging what my values are, what my mission is, how that translates into my brand vision and ultimately, the markets I'll serve and how I'll go about doing so. It's the back end of my marketing plan. It's a PAIN IN THE ASS. But I love it.

As annoyed as I am, I'm also happy that I'm getting clarity. You realize what you want by knowing what you don't want. I have to turn down a lot of offers (or potential offers) - some I've even thought long and hard on - for the sake of maintaining who I am and not diluting my brand and wasting time and resources.

I have come back to the following values: Experience, Sustainability, Social Change & Community. I want to work with people and organizations that are just as passionate about these values as I am. I'm not sure if there's a crazy amount of money to be made here...most small or independently owned businesses tend to do a ton themselves because they can't afford consulting services (I'm also thinking back to my days at American Pie). I need to get past the concept that that small business = the indie craft shop. They are only one part of the pie. There are still other meaningful industries out there doing great work.

The First Day

Yesterday was my last day at PennPAT, the organization where I had worked for over two years. Due to budget cuts and a restructuring of the program, many marketing initiatives have been suspended and there wasn't a need for a Program Associate. So after two terrific years of being a face of the organization, meeting inspiring artists and programming folks, I packed my duds and headed home.

I've been through several lay offs in my ten year career and I'm grateful for the time I was given at PennPAT - time to let the constituency know, time to plan, time to think, time to let it digest. Usually the "first day" of the rest of my life - the day after it takes effect - is filled with shock. But here I am, at home, cleaning my house, confident that good projects will soon be knocking.

I'm reminded of a poem my high school senior lit class read on our last day of class - I cannot recall the name of it but it started with, "This is the first day of the rest of your life..."

I'm an adaptable person and I'm excited for the good change on the horizon.

Now

I'm at the Sheraton in Midtown for APAP and so much for my excitement for being in this hotel (instead of the Hilton). The lesson learned here is if you want space in NYC you must pay, handsomely, for it. Note to self.

I'm PMSed and moody...It's the sort of state of mind where you just need that friend that knows you well enough to hang out with you but leave you alone in your funk...drop into some hole in the wall bookstore and wander around with your coffee.

I had to do the whole makeshift business cards since payment didn't reach my designer in time. I think I'd feel a little better if I were doling out the good version of my brand identity.

But who am I kidding? It's a tough mental place when you've been laid off and people are sorry but not sure what to do or say and everyone wonders, including yourself, where you'll be next...where you belong. And the only ones who get it are the entrepreneurs or those who have stood in your exact shoes.

I have something in my back pocket and I'm sure there's a part of him that's wishing I was on his staff at this very moment and part of me wishes that too.

I'm trying not to beat myself up right now. I do a lot and manage a lot and balance a lot and I think overall I do a pretty decent job. It's more than most people would be able to handle.

So I envision the cover of Oasis' 97 album - BE HERE NOW. Just be.

Resolutions

I haven't done New Year's resolutions in some time...usually I'd hold myself so accountable that when things beyond my control would occur and the resolution didn't happen (or looked different), I would feel like a failure. Case in point - 2001. THAT sure was a crummy year.

So here are some things kicking around in my head...no particular order:

Re-establish Piccadilly Arts
Get back into pottery and photography
Finish a scarf and learn the granny square
Read 2-3 books
Take Mitch on some trips

Mitch in the snow

Finally. Snow. Real snow. Not that fake dusting business. The stuff that doesn't count. Finally, a real storm. Not sure it'll spank the mid-90s blizzards and ice storms we once saw but it's doing OK right now.

After about 30 minutes of getting myself and Mitch dolled up in snow gear, I took the munchkin out in the elements for the first time. Here are some pictures of him experiencing the white fluffy stuff. He was most curious but uncertain. He didn't move much. He does remind one of the little guy in Christmas Story. "I can't move my arms!"

When I got him back inside and pulled off his boots, hat, and snow suit, some cold melted snow hit the carpet and touched his bare piggies. Well, he would have NONE of that. He proceeded to tell off the suit, hat, boots and any other snow covered garment in sight. "RUH RUH RUH!" followed by a pointed finger. He was furious to say the least.

New Logo

So I hired a gal to design me a logo for Piccadilly. I am beyond excited for this. It feels very official. Once I have the logo, I can drop it onto a business card, create some stationary, and even my favorite - a stamp!

I'm getting more clear about the direction of the company as well as the feel of the brand. It's overwhelming to see my ideas morph - a lot. When I started, it was all about marketing consulting for artists and arts organizations. Then it sort of expanded to include small independent businesses. Then about 7 months ago a great circus company asked me to be their agent. Suddenly, I was knocked off my chair and all sorts of emotions flooded through me. Agent? Manager? What?

See the thing is - I was an artists' rep for a little bit. It was a wonderful experience. The best place I ever worked. EVER. I still miss being there. It's just - I was young. I had no personal boundaries. I was gullible. I did stupid things. Said stupid things. I was 110% capable of being much more than I was there. It wasn't that I couldn't handle the work. I just wasn't mature enough to handle some other things. It took me a long time to really understand that about myself. Old feelings die hard though and I was agonizing over whether I'd make a good manager and agent for this circus company.

After weeks of pushing it out of my head I finally realized it wasn't leaving...moreover, I didn't really want it to leave. Furthermore, I had to get over myself. CONFIDENCE! I was beyond passionate about this company. I watched their showcase and thought - how do they not have representation? The AD asking me was a huge compliment. I needed to figure out how to move forward with this whole notion.

Enter Operation Business Plan. How many business plans have I created now? Something like 3. I'm a pro at market research and putting stuff on paper. Start Up Nation kicked my butt into gear mid summer and I created my Life Plan. Since then I've been piece mealing the plan together - market research when I can, interviews with folks when I can, swiping ideas from other industry pros and workshops, analyzing competitors. It all resides in Google Docs. It's coming along.

The biggest decision was to focus. Focus on family programming initially. However, family programming has a bad rep and the truth is, most family programming IS terrible. But there are places out there like the New Vic Theater that do amazing programming. It redefines children and family programming.

THAT is the envelope I want to push. It goes against the whole need for curriculum tie-in (or at the very least, I'd work with just 1-2 artists with a curriculum and more along the lines of a rep theater company). What I envision is a roster of 4-5 artists in cirque, contemporary dance, contemporary classical compositions, rep or ensemble theater company, storytelling, and interesting puppetry.

So this is where I am. And trying to visualize a logo that matches all that, the rest of my brand vision and values, and my personality is tough. But I'm hoping, one step at a time. Whatever it ends up being, it's going to be fun. Stay tuned.

What about ME?

This typically does not bother me. I'm a very independent person so I enjoy when my friends, family and whomever else snatches Mitch from me and gives him worlds of attention. Rock on. A break for his mommy.

Except when we go to D-town.

We drop in every couple of months to visit my old work - whether it's physically swooping in and disrupting the "work" going on or bumming around town or seeing a performance. Mitch gets tons of attention. As stated above, I generally don't mind. I can catch up with my friends, find out what's going on at the agency, go shopping for CDs in the publicity department. All fine. Until the follow up.

"When's Mitch coming again?"
"You should bring Mitch to D-town."
"The kids keep asking for Mitch."

The "kids" are my old boss' kids. They are 8 and 12 and LOVE babysitting Mitch. He's like a toy to them. It's actually very adorable. I love that they love him. I love that MY kid is the favorite. And I don't even work there anymore. However, sometimes, (after the third email asking this) my eyebrow raises and what I want to do is scream - WHAT ABOUT ME?!

The thing is though - I got exactly what I wanted and I have to remind myself of that sometimes. It is about me...or in the aforementioned situations, about my child. It's not always going to look like cigars and conversation.

Cigars and Compliments

Five years ago I was here at PAE...different time and place in my life.

You do have a way of "finding me" as you so put it. You found me walking back to the hotel and we talked about the baby, about work, and this disgusting weather. We pass a smoke shop and you comment on the cigars and before I could stop myself I said, "I don't want to hear about cigars...We were supposed to have end of conference cigars years ago and you ditched me and I'll never forget it!"

It just came out. How did I even remember it? I had that stupid cigar in my bag and wound up smoking two puffs with Vince's dad before I nearly died of the fumes.

But he said, "Well, come on." And I turned back as he doubled back and into the smoke shop and purchased two cigars, gave them to me for safe keeping and said tomorrow night after dinner we'd have cigars.

I have cigars in my bag right now. CIGARS.

Before we parted, I told myself I needed to open up and talk about the management idea. A whole dialogue ensued and he told me a lot of what I already knew. Then out front of the hotel he said, "I think you can do it...and I think you'd be good at it."

He would have bought me a drink - and more enlightening conversation? - but I had dinner plans.

This scene has been playing in my head for hours. Five years after you kicked me to the curb, I get my End of Conference Cigar AND an amazing compliment. I'm overwhelmed and not sure how I'm feeling.

Uh-Oh

Mitch's new/favorite word. It sounds more like "Atoh" and because we've often said "Uh Oh Spaghetti Ohs" he now tries to sound out the allusive 4 syllable last part of that phrase and it comes out garbled!

At almost 15 months he now says hi and bye (on occasion) and this and that (dis! dat!) and dog (doe-awg) and ball. He picks up and throws any ball he can get his hands on.

I love the kid.

Inauguration 1.20.09

It's an amazing day...the Inauguration of Barack Obama today, Tuesday, January 20, 2009. In 2009 many, including myself are watching this live on CNN.com. I tuned in via Facebook. It's just wild having my page refresh by the second with people's status updates and reading the touching and sometimes funny thoughts. I cannot recall ever an election and inauguration as emotionally intense as this. From the Amtrak train ride this past weekend and stops in Claymont and Wilmington...to the concert on Sunday...to seeing inauguration t-shirts at Old Navy yesterday. And now, just the sheer number of people, the happiness of the crowd (and those viewing this live), the anticipation, the hope...WOW.

Mitch at 7 months

I never thought the day would come when the little man would really be a baby...not a newborn or an infant anymore. But here he is at 7 months old and I'm packing away all his adorable newborn duds, his 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes, hats, booties he wore for a day, sleep sacks that kept him snug in his bassinet. When you're in it, it doesn't feel like it's moving...it feels like every day is a new thing, something changing and you are adjusting and rarely did I have 2 seconds to really step back and take it all in and see the moments. I've captured quite a few though in his baby book...his first smile, laugh, sitting up, cutting his first teeth. But between hauling those teeny tiny clothes to the attic and weening him, I realized we have moved...and are moving into another place now. Who knew I'd become so emotionally attached to breast feeding him? That not seeing the little bottles of mother's milk in the fridge or the baggies in the freezer would make me lament the those days of hard work and commitment. But it's 2009 and in this year he will crawl, walk, talk and eat more baby food and then his first big boy meal and do a million other amazing things. The reflections will be bittersweet.

Somedays I want him to stay this small...other days I cannot wait for him to run to me and yell "Mommy!"

World Series

Not too much for me to say...not much of a baseball fan but we did take the little fella to a game back in September (dollar dog night!) and I know enough to impress the occasional guy. This is a true team...not one diva...just a hang on the edge of your seat several games (in the cold and rain and in Philly, yes it can do unprecedented things like be suspended). But it's what sports is all about.

Hours after the horn blowing and screaming and madness subsided, I, exhausted from no sleep because of the aforementioned commotion, canvased a 2 block radius of my office in and around 15th and Locust for the morning edition of the Inquirer but at 3 p.m. was happy to take home the "Extra." Thanks to philly.com for the commemorative cover photos in jpeg format. Now the city anticipates 1 million plus downtown for the parade tomorrow.

Atlanta

Since I learned that the Performing Arts Exchange would be in Atlanta some time ago, I was beside myself with excitement. "Atlanta!" My eyebrows raised and I smiled. I had always wanted to go to the South and I was as excited as my favorite heroine in my favorite movie - Gone with the Wind.

That is where the trouble started. See, I had a very incorrect vision of what the city looked like in my brain. It's not that I expected sandy or cobble streets and horses and buggies...but I didn't expect NYC transplanted into Georgia. Skyscrapers and skywalks and tons of traffic welcomed me. I looked around downtown for some indication of a previous life...a turn-of-the-century life. Some sense of history.

Now this was a tight packed schedule and I didn't have as much free time to explore as I had in Kansas City. I ditched a professional development workshop to visit the Margaret Mitchell Museum to learn that Atlanta has a history of all historical places and things being burned, demolished, etc. in favor of new development. How horrifying and disappointing. But the tour of the author's little apartment was really very cool and the museum housed a collection of her letters documenting her writing the novel and the aftermath. As I walked back to my hotel, I decided I would simply need to schedule a real tour of the south...I'd have to do Charleston, Savannah and visit a plantation. Atlanta, while a bustling metropolitan, was not the "south" I wanted to experience.

And unlike Kansas City which teemed with cool photo opportunities, Atlanta left me wanting more. Every day I passed this one restaurant on the corner of Peachtree Street and Harris Street and something about it's huge wrap around porch and balconies made me think it might have been a special place back in the day. I imagined "polite society" throwing a party in their ballroom and greeting their guests...who arrived via buggy...men in top hats and coats and the ladies in their hoop dresses, hats and parasols...in the large parlor.

Then again, it could have been a saloon, the likes of which polite society never saw nor discussed.

Yes, this scene went through my head today. Photo to come.

Live from Kansas City

There were sequins glistening in the strobe lights and a crazy blonde bustin a move to a brass band when my head screamed - It's too much! Go back to your room!

I left the indie showcase party in the nick of time...it was starting to look like an ad for Vegas. What was really cool was the Step Afrika spotlight showcase I caught at the very amazing, very old and beautifully restored Folly Theater. Once I locate my mem card adapter I can upload the footage. That was something else. Riverdance meets the Motherland. I wish the Dirty Dozen Brass Band could have been there...it would have made for a killer collaboration.

This was after my 2 hour walk around downtown...my attempt to locate the Arts & Culture "District." Walking down Main Street, I took tons of photos of cool old buildings and was even greeted by a sign that read "Arts & Culture District." I continued on foot, scouring the neighborhood for galleries and boutiques. Hmmm. Warehouse after warehouse in an otherwise industrial wasteland. Ooh - a fun antique shop! Oh wait...it closed 30 minutes ago? On a Friday night?

Around the block, up a hill - there were NO signs of life. I walked east on 18th Street and I was instantly reminded of that Brady Bunch episode where the gang stumbles upon a ghost town and somehow winds up locked up in the local jail. Brick buildings, sand swirling up in a poof, and me. I take a left and see 2 girls up ahead. Finally I found the "strip!" Whoo hoo! I approach what seems to be a bustling street to realize it was merely...a bustling corner. Now there was the local coffee joint and some shops so SCORE for me. I was so desperate to see life and some form of funky shop that I unloaded - financially - in this 100 yard stretch. I made some new friends, talked up the performing arts to this one gal who owns a lingerie shop and also created a 1-woman show, bought my son a cool vintage baby hoodie (there is actually baby vintage out there) and a few duds for myself. Like I said...I wanted a fun souvenir. I wasn't prepared to search all over the Plains for it so when I finally laid eyes on goodies I'd go berserk, but I did. I never did see any actual galleries.

Possibly, my expectations were a little too high for this very Midwest city? It gets kudos for being clean, friendly and laid back - I do love those traits. But as my NYC exhibit hall buddy and I joked - us east coasters want to walk out of our hotel and see our coffee shop RIGHT THERE. We're so demanding.

Beverly Hills

From earlier this fall.

Bah - the new show. I was dead set against watching this. I mean, really, how could I? I am a die hard fan of the original. But there I was tuning in (a little late though) and texting my friend the entire time giving her the back story on the old characters and typing "Seriously?" for nearly 2 hours. My two cents:

New cast: LAME. Our Jim & Cindy replacements - Rob Estes? Hello, Melrose Place transplant. Lori Laughlin? Only Aunt Becky forever on Full House (I will not go into her failed show from 2 seasons ago). The boys are ugly...where's the cute Luke Perry replacement??? The girls look like skinny sluts. Whatever. Stupid acting, stupid plot. Stupid. Just like all the other stupid teen shows today.

Kelly Taylor: Not surprised Jenny came back. She was on the show the entire time. I'm always a Kelly fan. The burning question of course is - WHO is the father of the little boy??

Brenda Walsh: Girl hasn't been on the show since '94 when she jetted off to London to explore the world of theater. We'd hear tall tales of her whereabouts and happenings - phone calls to Brandon, letters from Dylan after he tore out of town in '95. But the reality remains that Shannon was a bitch and had issues with everyone on the show and whether she was fired or quit, she was NOT friends with Jenny and neither were their characters at that point in time. When all the other peeps left the show they came back for weddings! Or send a video! They were special guest stars! Where was Shannon?! She never came back. WHERE did this rekindling come from? See the first adjective: LAME.

My final thoughts -- I'm convinced that the child spawned between Principal Rob Estes and the blond curly haired chick's mom (given up for adoption) will turn out to be Steve Sanders. Come on. Coincidence? I think not. Samantha Sanders was not his biological mother.

Per Erin's confession to that Annie girl, seriously? Mel, you cheated on Jackie AGAIN!? You got back together in the later episodes. Then you cheat again? No wonder Jackie is a wreck (I guess we'll see her next week).

This is where us loyal fans are left? We're stunned...confused...disappointed. But I'm not surprised...the very idea of this coming around again is silly and will never live up to our generation's expectations...it was better for us leaving the world behind in 2000 when Donna and David married and we finally were sure Dylan and Kelly wound up together...